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She finally got CAUGHT - YEE-HAW!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 227812" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You are doing a great job detaching.</p><p></p><p>When she calls you all those names, if you get a chance to calmly get a word in edgewise, you COULD say, "And this is supposed to entice me to want to step in and help you? In what way is cussing at me going to make me want to help you?"</p><p></p><p>This is not the daughter you raised, who is saying these things. All you can do now, is hold onto this: she has choices. They are HER choices. Yes, she has issues and she has medical needs, but she has made some very silly choices and until she learns that she has to live with the consequences that she has brought on herself, she won't get the message that her life COULD be a lot better.</p><p></p><p>You love her. Her "friends" do not. They will be her friends as long as it suits them, but they are survivors and in order to survive in that world, they have to develop hard hearts and cut someone loose if they fall outside their ring.</p><p></p><p>I doubt anyone will pay her bail, but if they do it will be because they expect $5000 worth of services/goods from her. The science fiction author Robert Heinlein often referred to a very important concept - TANSTAAFL. "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch." Although my kids don't read Heinlein, they know what I mean when I say, "TANSTAAFL".</p><p></p><p>It's a lesson your easy child still has to learn. When she does, she will realise just how much you have done for her over the years, and just how much she has wasted her opportunities.</p><p></p><p>She still can get it together, but she now has to do it on her own. Every time you step in to help her, to try to lift her out of the gutter, she will fail to get the consequences message. She simply refuses to learn while she believes you will step in and make it all better.</p><p></p><p>Once she 'gets' that she is on her own, then she will have to eventually get her life back on track. Her friends are her influence now, at some point when will be told by them, some very unpleasant truths.</p><p></p><p>Think how she has treated you. Do you think this is reserved only for you? As she gets to increasingly take her friends for granted, she will get to a point (sooner than she did with you) where they will slap her down and throw her out.</p><p></p><p>It will happen. It of course cannot be your fault when it does, if they are people who don't know you. Eventually she will have to see, that SHE is responsible. If she doesn't, then there is nothing more you could have done. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Focus on yourself and your son. Get yourself back together again. You're getting stronger all the time.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 227812, member: 1991"] You are doing a great job detaching. When she calls you all those names, if you get a chance to calmly get a word in edgewise, you COULD say, "And this is supposed to entice me to want to step in and help you? In what way is cussing at me going to make me want to help you?" This is not the daughter you raised, who is saying these things. All you can do now, is hold onto this: she has choices. They are HER choices. Yes, she has issues and she has medical needs, but she has made some very silly choices and until she learns that she has to live with the consequences that she has brought on herself, she won't get the message that her life COULD be a lot better. You love her. Her "friends" do not. They will be her friends as long as it suits them, but they are survivors and in order to survive in that world, they have to develop hard hearts and cut someone loose if they fall outside their ring. I doubt anyone will pay her bail, but if they do it will be because they expect $5000 worth of services/goods from her. The science fiction author Robert Heinlein often referred to a very important concept - TANSTAAFL. "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch." Although my kids don't read Heinlein, they know what I mean when I say, "TANSTAAFL". It's a lesson your easy child still has to learn. When she does, she will realise just how much you have done for her over the years, and just how much she has wasted her opportunities. She still can get it together, but she now has to do it on her own. Every time you step in to help her, to try to lift her out of the gutter, she will fail to get the consequences message. She simply refuses to learn while she believes you will step in and make it all better. Once she 'gets' that she is on her own, then she will have to eventually get her life back on track. Her friends are her influence now, at some point when will be told by them, some very unpleasant truths. Think how she has treated you. Do you think this is reserved only for you? As she gets to increasingly take her friends for granted, she will get to a point (sooner than she did with you) where they will slap her down and throw her out. It will happen. It of course cannot be your fault when it does, if they are people who don't know you. Eventually she will have to see, that SHE is responsible. If she doesn't, then there is nothing more you could have done. Hang in there. Focus on yourself and your son. Get yourself back together again. You're getting stronger all the time. Marg [/QUOTE]
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