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She wants to come home and follow the rules
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 609608" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I am quite impressed with how you've handled this mamakathy. You have given your daughter a real opportunity here.........as well as given yourselves a peaceful environment. </p><p></p><p>Along with your good choice comes all the self doubt. I completely understand that. My daughter is old enough to be your daughter's mother and I still have all those same thoughts. My own experience as well as what I continually read here offers this observation............our kids are remarkably resourceful, what they lack in other responsible skills, they become adept at finding a way through life which although it may be abhorrent and/or surprising to us, they often succeed in a somewhat unique way. They find others to take care of them, they develop skills we don't possess but somehow offers them the freedom they so crave. </p><p></p><p>That fear you have in your heart is so familiar to me, I can so empathize with you. However, one distinction is that you are not "steering her toward charity", you are offering her other options because she has proven that she cannot live within the normal rules the rest of us live by. You are not taking away family support, you are being realistic about what her presence will do to the rest of the family. You are making hard choices but choices that were precipitated by your daughter's own choices. She orchestrated the outcome, not you. That is the part that the consequences may (or may not) open her eyes to. </p><p></p><p>As always, while you wander through this personal devastation, it is imperative that you receive support and make sure you do everything you can to take care of you. This can deplete us and exhaust us like nothing else can and you will need your strength, courage and balance to stay the course. </p><p></p><p>For what it's worth, having made similar choices which have wounded my heart in ways I can't even explain..........I think you made the only choice you could given all the circumstances. I say that with a heavy heart, believe me. I understand the magnitude of it for you and my heart goes out to you. For some of us here, this becomes the only choice.............</p><p></p><p>Stay the course. Get AS MUCH SUPPORT as you possibly can. Focus on your family. Focus on gratitude for what you do have. Place your daughter in the hands of whatever Higher Power you may believe in. Pray for her. Sending you warm and supportive hugs and always..........wishes for peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 609608, member: 13542"] I am quite impressed with how you've handled this mamakathy. You have given your daughter a real opportunity here.........as well as given yourselves a peaceful environment. Along with your good choice comes all the self doubt. I completely understand that. My daughter is old enough to be your daughter's mother and I still have all those same thoughts. My own experience as well as what I continually read here offers this observation............our kids are remarkably resourceful, what they lack in other responsible skills, they become adept at finding a way through life which although it may be abhorrent and/or surprising to us, they often succeed in a somewhat unique way. They find others to take care of them, they develop skills we don't possess but somehow offers them the freedom they so crave. That fear you have in your heart is so familiar to me, I can so empathize with you. However, one distinction is that you are not "steering her toward charity", you are offering her other options because she has proven that she cannot live within the normal rules the rest of us live by. You are not taking away family support, you are being realistic about what her presence will do to the rest of the family. You are making hard choices but choices that were precipitated by your daughter's own choices. She orchestrated the outcome, not you. That is the part that the consequences may (or may not) open her eyes to. As always, while you wander through this personal devastation, it is imperative that you receive support and make sure you do everything you can to take care of you. This can deplete us and exhaust us like nothing else can and you will need your strength, courage and balance to stay the course. For what it's worth, having made similar choices which have wounded my heart in ways I can't even explain..........I think you made the only choice you could given all the circumstances. I say that with a heavy heart, believe me. I understand the magnitude of it for you and my heart goes out to you. For some of us here, this becomes the only choice............. Stay the course. Get AS MUCH SUPPORT as you possibly can. Focus on your family. Focus on gratitude for what you do have. Place your daughter in the hands of whatever Higher Power you may believe in. Pray for her. Sending you warm and supportive hugs and always..........wishes for peace. [/QUOTE]
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