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She wants to come home and follow the rules
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 609647" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am glad you see that bringing her home is not an answer. The business world uses a theory called system optimization to evaluate things and in my opinion we should ALL use this with our families. Okay, so maybe it is not the way most people think about the world and family. It is how my mind works, and my mom's before me. System optimization uses the idea that what we want is not for machine A to work at it's absolute best, but instead we want the most output from the entire system. We want every part of the system to work as well as it can in the system. If we give all our resources to make machine A work, but we don't give any resources to machine B, the system of machines A and B will nto produce much. IF we give both machines what they need to produce, and they work together, even though either machine is not getting everything to work at it's absolute best, the system will produce far more than if only one machine got the resources.</p><p></p><p>That is a very simplified version, but it gets the point. Our families are systems. To bring your difficult child home would use up resources that the rest of the family needs. THe peace and quiet with-o the rages and drama would be gone. It would likely make real problems for the other kids, and would minimize their potential. They are every bit as important as difficult child, so it would not be a wise choice, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I once had a therapist who got very angry because I would not allow Wiz to come back home. He was at my parents, safe, healthy, happy. My other kids were safe, happy, healthy. Bringing wiz home? Would end that for all of us. The therapist thought I was awful because Wiz was not living with us. I flat out told her that I would NOT sacrifice J and T on the altar of Wiz' problems. It was the last thing I said to her as a patient. A few years later I ran into her and she said I changed how she saw families with that statement. SHe had been all about family giving a sick child everything the child 'needed' or wanted, regardless of what that did to the other kids. I made her think, and she saw all the damaged siblings she was creating. Or so she told me atthe time. For me, it was common sense. I want ALL of my kids to be happy and healthy, not just one of them.</p><p></p><p>Don't bring her home. If she chooses services, it is her choice, not you directing her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 609647, member: 1233"] I am glad you see that bringing her home is not an answer. The business world uses a theory called system optimization to evaluate things and in my opinion we should ALL use this with our families. Okay, so maybe it is not the way most people think about the world and family. It is how my mind works, and my mom's before me. System optimization uses the idea that what we want is not for machine A to work at it's absolute best, but instead we want the most output from the entire system. We want every part of the system to work as well as it can in the system. If we give all our resources to make machine A work, but we don't give any resources to machine B, the system of machines A and B will nto produce much. IF we give both machines what they need to produce, and they work together, even though either machine is not getting everything to work at it's absolute best, the system will produce far more than if only one machine got the resources. That is a very simplified version, but it gets the point. Our families are systems. To bring your difficult child home would use up resources that the rest of the family needs. THe peace and quiet with-o the rages and drama would be gone. It would likely make real problems for the other kids, and would minimize their potential. They are every bit as important as difficult child, so it would not be a wise choice, in my opinion. I once had a therapist who got very angry because I would not allow Wiz to come back home. He was at my parents, safe, healthy, happy. My other kids were safe, happy, healthy. Bringing wiz home? Would end that for all of us. The therapist thought I was awful because Wiz was not living with us. I flat out told her that I would NOT sacrifice J and T on the altar of Wiz' problems. It was the last thing I said to her as a patient. A few years later I ran into her and she said I changed how she saw families with that statement. SHe had been all about family giving a sick child everything the child 'needed' or wanted, regardless of what that did to the other kids. I made her think, and she saw all the damaged siblings she was creating. Or so she told me atthe time. For me, it was common sense. I want ALL of my kids to be happy and healthy, not just one of them. Don't bring her home. If she chooses services, it is her choice, not you directing her. [/QUOTE]
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