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shoplifting incident
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 180311" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think it's a bit unfair to ban him from the store when he was clearly innocent. I also think it's a ban you could fight, but frankly I wouldn't bother and I suspect difficult child is not going to want to go back there anyway, due to the unpleasant memories.</p><p></p><p>I had a friend who shoplifted. We were both very young, I was probably no more than 10 years old which meant she would have been 7 or 8. I was a kid who never had any pocket money to spend on anything (we couldn't afford it) and all the other kids did. So I would look on enviously as they bought sweets, knowing I couldn't. I did what I could to earn a few coins - collected drink bottles for cash-back, for example. </p><p>I was with my friend when she said she wanted to get some sweets. We visited the sweet shop (it was run by the family of a classmate of mine) and I was horrified to see my friend's hand snake up and steal a couple of packets of sweets. I was sure she had been seen and would be told to put them back - but no. I was too scared of her to say anything, expecting her to pay at the last minute.</p><p>As we left the shop, she grabbed my hand and dragged me around the corner, sitting down and opening up the sweets. She pushed some into my hand and ordered me to eat some. I was too scared of her, I didn't want any sweets but she threatened to hit me if I didn't eat. I only had one, though. She still sat there and ate the rest when I got up and left.</p><p>I never hung around with her again. I went home, told my mother and asked her what I should have done. She said I shouldn't have eaten any, I said I was afraid of getting hurt by her if I didn't.</p><p></p><p>Looking back, I'm sure she made me go with her partly so she could show off to me ("I'm not afraid to take risks"), partly to initiate me into "a game" and also partly to try to implicate me if things went sour. She made me eat at least one sweet so she could again implicate me, in case she got caught, and to also make it hard for me to tell (because she could say honestly that I ate some too).</p><p></p><p>I don't know where she ended up, long-term. I do remember seeing her after we both went to different high schools. She would be hanging around with the rough kids, one of the local tarts who wasn't afraid to do whatever she wanted and who was out of control. Even though she was younger than me she always seemed older and looked down on me as a "loser" and "goody two shoes". I have no doubt that the shoplifting continued and probably escalated. I learned to avoid the street corners where those kids hung out.</p><p></p><p>Your son - he needs to steer clear of the thieving kid. Otherwise he risks getting tarred with the same brush. Just be innocently being in the same store, he's been banned from that store. It is so easy to get hooked in by kids like this, especially when they use your presence as cover and even try to get you to do it too. It reminds me of the heroin-trafficking mother who stashed the heroin in her baby's diaper. A determined thief or other crim will involve whoever they can in order to get away with it.</p><p></p><p>I know shoplifting is often a cry for help - your son is not qualified to help. He needs to stick with the decent kids, or learn to love his own company. That other kid who stole - bad news until declared otherwise. And it would take a lot of hard work for that kid to win back MY trust.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 180311, member: 1991"] I think it's a bit unfair to ban him from the store when he was clearly innocent. I also think it's a ban you could fight, but frankly I wouldn't bother and I suspect difficult child is not going to want to go back there anyway, due to the unpleasant memories. I had a friend who shoplifted. We were both very young, I was probably no more than 10 years old which meant she would have been 7 or 8. I was a kid who never had any pocket money to spend on anything (we couldn't afford it) and all the other kids did. So I would look on enviously as they bought sweets, knowing I couldn't. I did what I could to earn a few coins - collected drink bottles for cash-back, for example. I was with my friend when she said she wanted to get some sweets. We visited the sweet shop (it was run by the family of a classmate of mine) and I was horrified to see my friend's hand snake up and steal a couple of packets of sweets. I was sure she had been seen and would be told to put them back - but no. I was too scared of her to say anything, expecting her to pay at the last minute. As we left the shop, she grabbed my hand and dragged me around the corner, sitting down and opening up the sweets. She pushed some into my hand and ordered me to eat some. I was too scared of her, I didn't want any sweets but she threatened to hit me if I didn't eat. I only had one, though. She still sat there and ate the rest when I got up and left. I never hung around with her again. I went home, told my mother and asked her what I should have done. She said I shouldn't have eaten any, I said I was afraid of getting hurt by her if I didn't. Looking back, I'm sure she made me go with her partly so she could show off to me ("I'm not afraid to take risks"), partly to initiate me into "a game" and also partly to try to implicate me if things went sour. She made me eat at least one sweet so she could again implicate me, in case she got caught, and to also make it hard for me to tell (because she could say honestly that I ate some too). I don't know where she ended up, long-term. I do remember seeing her after we both went to different high schools. She would be hanging around with the rough kids, one of the local tarts who wasn't afraid to do whatever she wanted and who was out of control. Even though she was younger than me she always seemed older and looked down on me as a "loser" and "goody two shoes". I have no doubt that the shoplifting continued and probably escalated. I learned to avoid the street corners where those kids hung out. Your son - he needs to steer clear of the thieving kid. Otherwise he risks getting tarred with the same brush. Just be innocently being in the same store, he's been banned from that store. It is so easy to get hooked in by kids like this, especially when they use your presence as cover and even try to get you to do it too. It reminds me of the heroin-trafficking mother who stashed the heroin in her baby's diaper. A determined thief or other crim will involve whoever they can in order to get away with it. I know shoplifting is often a cry for help - your son is not qualified to help. He needs to stick with the decent kids, or learn to love his own company. That other kid who stole - bad news until declared otherwise. And it would take a lot of hard work for that kid to win back MY trust. Marg [/QUOTE]
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