My heart goes out to you. 30 years ago, I had to file an order of protection against my youngest brother who was physically and verbally abusive to my mom, who had breast cancer, and my Dad, a cardiac patient in a wheelchair. Bro was an abusive alcoholic who stabbed my Dad in the hand with a fork (Dad ate too sloppily) and threw Mom against the wall after losing her car in a DUI. I saved his life but it broke my heart. Guess what? 25 years later, and I am helping my sister move out as she took him in as her husband lay dying of cancer. My brother was hitting her. Order granted, she is moving and he is barred from any contact with her.
She can breathe, she can grieve her husband and sleep at night without fear. You deserve peace of mind. My gentle suggestions for what worked for us are as follows, and not for everyone. But this isn't my first time at the rodeo.
Take back the control. Let him know you love him, and can support his positive behavior. But one more threatening email will become a police report. Document everything to prevent escalation, if you can. Never threaten. Promise. But let him know if he does x, y will happen. If he continues to escalate, you will cut off contact with him. You do not want to, but you absolutely freakin will.
My brother had seven reports against him before the OOP (order of Protection) was enacted. It is good to show a history of behavior to the court. Yes, we worry about him, but he was made to go into a treatment program, if he does not comply he will go to jail.That is the court, not us.
He is over 50 years old now, we can't blame ourselves or suffer a miserable life because of HIS choices.
I prayed every single morning for my family and for peace. It gave me strength and solace to know that as strong as we are in our love for our kids, we have to be our own advocates. How can they do so if we do not show them the way? What good is the love if we can't live a peaceful life or pursue happiness and support for those who do truly love us.
The last text I had with my brother was one of a wellness check, as he had disappeared. He quickly became abusive, telling me how he would "take be to school" to teach me properly about how my sister deserved his behavior. She kept a roof over his head for two years with NO rent, cared for her dying husband and cooked, cleaned, did laundry for brother free of charge.
Rather than become defensive I calmly said that I did not think his energy should be wasted on schooling anyone. I said, "I love you, always will and pray that energy is focused on yourself, to pursue a good life that you deserve. We are pursuing ours, which includes an abusive free environment."
There IS a light for you, but please keep the faith. This sight has been a Godsend of peace, support and energy!!! Hugs to you
I will pray like heck for ya!
