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Should I Be Miffed??
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 70165" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>About 2 years ago we finally had to step in and take away my mom's keys and sell her car. My 4 siblings and I were collectively sending her about $500 a month just to keep her mini van, so she could maintain her independence. Then she crashed into a telephone pole and left the scene, claiming she thought she hit a rock. She sideswiped the pole and took out the sliding door on the driver's side. She had it repaired and after many phone calls, with a heavy heart, we stepped in and took away her car, let the bank repo it, and cancelled her insurance. It saved all of us a lot of money, not to mention the gas money for mom. BUT, she lost a GIANT chunk of independence that day. She still does not really let us forget how we took away one of her greatest joys. Do we feel badly? I don't. My brother doesn't and neither does my one other sister. But two of my sister feel that we were too hasty. Umm, she took out a telephone pole and left the scene because she thought she hit a rock?? Clearly, she should not be driving. We're almost to the point where we will liley have to give up her apt as I cannot see her living on her own much longer. Unfortunately, the only sibling who could afford to have her live with her wouldn't hear of it. She'd rather pay top dollar for her to live in an assisted living place, which is fine I suppose as long as she could still come stay with me for a few weeks every summer. </p><p></p><p>My point is that at some point, you MUST consider your own needs before your mother in law's, right? Right now I'm thinking that in a couple of years, H and I will be free from raising children and our income will once again be our own and we can get up and do things without a care. If my mom lived with me, that would not be possible. I often think how nice it would be to have my mom live with me and then I'd be able to take care of her and she'd be on a strict diet and be healthier and I could see how she's doing right up close, we'd have sunday dinners, etc. But then reality hits me like a ton of bricks. It would be a huge burden for mom to live with us - it would be hard on my marriage, and with difficult child and all her stuff, it would be very difficult and we'd basically be sentenced again to making plans around mom.</p><p></p><p>One hundred years ago, families didn't live thousands of miles apart and they all worked towards the greater good for the family. They supported one another, family was everything and the elderly were revered in such a way that all the children and grandchildren provided care when it became necessary without question. It simply is not that way anymore. People move, we're like nomads, and there isn't the familial support there once was - that's the reality of it. Use the resources and agencies that are available to you so you can live your dream. Lighten your load a little and sleep better at night. Like you said, how much longer will mother in law be with you? Try to let go of the anger towards brother in law - he's doing what you want to do (be freer). Hugs~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 70165, member: 2211"] About 2 years ago we finally had to step in and take away my mom's keys and sell her car. My 4 siblings and I were collectively sending her about $500 a month just to keep her mini van, so she could maintain her independence. Then she crashed into a telephone pole and left the scene, claiming she thought she hit a rock. She sideswiped the pole and took out the sliding door on the driver's side. She had it repaired and after many phone calls, with a heavy heart, we stepped in and took away her car, let the bank repo it, and cancelled her insurance. It saved all of us a lot of money, not to mention the gas money for mom. BUT, she lost a GIANT chunk of independence that day. She still does not really let us forget how we took away one of her greatest joys. Do we feel badly? I don't. My brother doesn't and neither does my one other sister. But two of my sister feel that we were too hasty. Umm, she took out a telephone pole and left the scene because she thought she hit a rock?? Clearly, she should not be driving. We're almost to the point where we will liley have to give up her apt as I cannot see her living on her own much longer. Unfortunately, the only sibling who could afford to have her live with her wouldn't hear of it. She'd rather pay top dollar for her to live in an assisted living place, which is fine I suppose as long as she could still come stay with me for a few weeks every summer. My point is that at some point, you MUST consider your own needs before your mother in law's, right? Right now I'm thinking that in a couple of years, H and I will be free from raising children and our income will once again be our own and we can get up and do things without a care. If my mom lived with me, that would not be possible. I often think how nice it would be to have my mom live with me and then I'd be able to take care of her and she'd be on a strict diet and be healthier and I could see how she's doing right up close, we'd have sunday dinners, etc. But then reality hits me like a ton of bricks. It would be a huge burden for mom to live with us - it would be hard on my marriage, and with difficult child and all her stuff, it would be very difficult and we'd basically be sentenced again to making plans around mom. One hundred years ago, families didn't live thousands of miles apart and they all worked towards the greater good for the family. They supported one another, family was everything and the elderly were revered in such a way that all the children and grandchildren provided care when it became necessary without question. It simply is not that way anymore. People move, we're like nomads, and there isn't the familial support there once was - that's the reality of it. Use the resources and agencies that are available to you so you can live your dream. Lighten your load a little and sleep better at night. Like you said, how much longer will mother in law be with you? Try to let go of the anger towards brother in law - he's doing what you want to do (be freer). Hugs~ [/QUOTE]
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