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Should I call CPS ?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 344132" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm coming late to this thread. I also typed a long response but somewhere along I have hit a dud key and lost the lot (I do not like the new site layout!). If this keeps happening, I will need to draft in a text program and copy/paste.</p><p></p><p>Back to topic - by now you will have made your decision. It is sad, because you have had tis child in your care since infancy, and even though you did the right thing for the sake of your other charges, it will still have been a painful wrench for you.</p><p></p><p>If you were in Australia, I would suggest calling the authorities and picking their brains. It is possible that this child is simply a disturbed child. But it is also possible (since there are often environmental reasons for such disturbance) that she has been abused.</p><p></p><p>Is she the only child of an oldr couple who have never had children at all before? Not even separately? Or are there older step-children? Also, who has been babysitting this girl all her life? I don't mean you, I mean who do the parents call when they want to go out on a Saturday night?</p><p></p><p>If I were CPS going in to investigate, I would want to know this. I would also want to know whose Wii it is and who plays which games. That game has frightened her, she has fixated on that game as the reason for her fear. If she has been abused, I suspect it is by a person who plays that game and who has used that game to show her graphically what they will do to her if she tells. She then acts out on another child purely to experiment and see how effective such a silencing method would be (or not). I emphasise - this is pure conjecture. But if there's a teen/young adult male step-sibling in the picture, I'd be keeping a very close watch.</p><p></p><p>You say she's been a behaviour problem all her life - so there could be an underlying disorder, or there could be long-term environmental problems. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, abuse is horribly common. I believe the conservative figures are one in four girls will be sexually abused. Most often it's by someone they know.</p><p></p><p>If she is being abused and CPS is called but they fail to find anything, then it would be a very bad thing for this little girl, because it would have been her behaviour that led to CPS being called, so even though she didn't say anything, her abuser would blame her for the close call.</p><p></p><p>If she is not being abused and CPS fails to find anything (including fails to find that she is a danger to other children) this could also be bad, because she will learn that she can get away with it.</p><p></p><p>If you can trust them to not jump in merely because you're making an enquiry, then I would talk to CPS and run it past them as a hypothetical.</p><p></p><p>Do what you must in order to keep your other charges safe, and to ensure you have met your own statutory requirements re mandatory reporting.</p><p></p><p>You have no proof she is being abused. You have the evidence of your own eyes that she has abused another child.</p><p></p><p>You did tell the boy's parents, of course, didn't you? They need to have him counselled. It would be interesting if this has happened more than the boy told you. He needs to be gently questioned (once the girl is gone and he knows she won't be back) to find out just how much she was doing, and if it went beyond just him.</p><p></p><p>I would also ask CPS (hypothetically) what to do about the father's emails to you.</p><p></p><p>However - if you have to respond to the dad, respond gently. From his point of view, you have, after 5 years, seemed to take a set against his daughter and accused her of awful things which just can't be true. She is the light of his life and he MUST clear her name, because of course his little darling MUST be seen by the world as a perfect angel. She shouldn't be penalised for a few minutes of high spirits (in his eyes). The ones closest to someone they love are often those most in denial. If this is merely him being in denial, then your continued insistence won't work. He needs to be able to move beyond the "tis", "t'isn't" routine and into, "Maybe I should have my child seen by a counsellor, to make sure she hasn't been hurt by someone."</p><p></p><p>And here you have another problem of the older parent (because it's my generation here) - psychologists from the 50s and 60s have a bad reputation. Remember the famous Sam Goldwyn-ism, "Anyone who sees a psychiatrist should have his head examined."</p><p></p><p>The profession is very different these days and we know a great deal more.</p><p></p><p>I believe you did the right thing. It's so sad, but what else could you do?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 344132, member: 1991"] I'm coming late to this thread. I also typed a long response but somewhere along I have hit a dud key and lost the lot (I do not like the new site layout!). If this keeps happening, I will need to draft in a text program and copy/paste. Back to topic - by now you will have made your decision. It is sad, because you have had tis child in your care since infancy, and even though you did the right thing for the sake of your other charges, it will still have been a painful wrench for you. If you were in Australia, I would suggest calling the authorities and picking their brains. It is possible that this child is simply a disturbed child. But it is also possible (since there are often environmental reasons for such disturbance) that she has been abused. Is she the only child of an oldr couple who have never had children at all before? Not even separately? Or are there older step-children? Also, who has been babysitting this girl all her life? I don't mean you, I mean who do the parents call when they want to go out on a Saturday night? If I were CPS going in to investigate, I would want to know this. I would also want to know whose Wii it is and who plays which games. That game has frightened her, she has fixated on that game as the reason for her fear. If she has been abused, I suspect it is by a person who plays that game and who has used that game to show her graphically what they will do to her if she tells. She then acts out on another child purely to experiment and see how effective such a silencing method would be (or not). I emphasise - this is pure conjecture. But if there's a teen/young adult male step-sibling in the picture, I'd be keeping a very close watch. You say she's been a behaviour problem all her life - so there could be an underlying disorder, or there could be long-term environmental problems. Sadly, abuse is horribly common. I believe the conservative figures are one in four girls will be sexually abused. Most often it's by someone they know. If she is being abused and CPS is called but they fail to find anything, then it would be a very bad thing for this little girl, because it would have been her behaviour that led to CPS being called, so even though she didn't say anything, her abuser would blame her for the close call. If she is not being abused and CPS fails to find anything (including fails to find that she is a danger to other children) this could also be bad, because she will learn that she can get away with it. If you can trust them to not jump in merely because you're making an enquiry, then I would talk to CPS and run it past them as a hypothetical. Do what you must in order to keep your other charges safe, and to ensure you have met your own statutory requirements re mandatory reporting. You have no proof she is being abused. You have the evidence of your own eyes that she has abused another child. You did tell the boy's parents, of course, didn't you? They need to have him counselled. It would be interesting if this has happened more than the boy told you. He needs to be gently questioned (once the girl is gone and he knows she won't be back) to find out just how much she was doing, and if it went beyond just him. I would also ask CPS (hypothetically) what to do about the father's emails to you. However - if you have to respond to the dad, respond gently. From his point of view, you have, after 5 years, seemed to take a set against his daughter and accused her of awful things which just can't be true. She is the light of his life and he MUST clear her name, because of course his little darling MUST be seen by the world as a perfect angel. She shouldn't be penalised for a few minutes of high spirits (in his eyes). The ones closest to someone they love are often those most in denial. If this is merely him being in denial, then your continued insistence won't work. He needs to be able to move beyond the "tis", "t'isn't" routine and into, "Maybe I should have my child seen by a counsellor, to make sure she hasn't been hurt by someone." And here you have another problem of the older parent (because it's my generation here) - psychologists from the 50s and 60s have a bad reputation. Remember the famous Sam Goldwyn-ism, "Anyone who sees a psychiatrist should have his head examined." The profession is very different these days and we know a great deal more. I believe you did the right thing. It's so sad, but what else could you do? Marg [/QUOTE]
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