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Should I get 18 year old out of jail?
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<blockquote data-quote="ANewLife4Me" data-source="post: 765027" data-attributes="member: 32799"><p>My goodness, how similar our stories. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😢" title="Crying face :cry:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f622.png" data-shortname=":cry:" /> Each time we bailed our daughter out of jail, she came to live with us as she had nowhere to go. We had conditions each and every time in order for her to stay with us. Holding a job and paying us rent was one of them. She often said….can’t you let me live here for free? How am I supposed to save up and get out if I have to pay you? Other parents don’t charge rent. She did absolutely nothing to help around the house, not even keep her room clean. Food containers, used tampon applicators…all on the floor of her bedroom. Here in Florida you just cannot throw them out, you have to evict them. She knew this and used it against us not having money for a lawyer to make this happen. Was verbally abusive to us everyday, never knew one second from the next what was going to happen, always on edge. She had attacked me twice, have video of one attack. She was not supposed to drink alcohol per the rules we made but, she did whatever she wanted. The alcohol plus her mental made her a violent mess this day. I was so hurt, was going to call the police for abuse but, you know why I did not? She had just gotten out of jail and I did not want her to go back. She too left us last year to live out of her car, see where it had gotten her? 9 months later she goes to ER did not receive the service she wanted, maybe drugs? became verbally abusive with everyone and hit an EMS worker in the face. I told her time and again that her mouth and violence will get her one day….on no Mommy, it won’t. Well look at you now, did I not tell her?</p><p></p><p>So I guess what I am trying to say is your children and mine it’s definitely time. We need to absolutely step back in a big way. For me? My decision is not letting her come back home when she gets out of jail, have also gone no contact. Have not seen her in over a year now, she went no contact with us until that call from jail. I am not saying you should do the same but, let them figure it out. Your 18 year old loves to work, living out of a car is actually doable and not so bad if they choose to do it right. My daughter did not want to work, she did drugs and drank alcohol, she wanted the party life with no money to keep her going. Snooping on her Facebook said she became an exotic dancer and showed a picture of her with a wad of dollars spread out. Gave up 2 good jobs for that!! But, this was the life she wanted to lead living out of her car. Your 21 year old might say anything, as my daughter did, to live with you….am sure you know this already. But this time if this happens you just don’t agree on “rules” that they never follow. How about, you can live with us for 6 months, work and save your money, get your own place to stay. And stick with it, kick him out in 6 months time if he does not follow YOUR rules. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes :blush:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f60a.png" data-shortname=":blush:" /></p><p></p><p>You deserve as well as I for this nightmare to stop! I am almost 60 years old and this has given me my strength at this time. I don’t want to live whatever time is left on this earth dealing with my daughter….ENOUGH! It surely has broken my heart though in going no contact. I tell you from experience, please consider letting them do it on their own. Set those boundaries and let them know you’re not going to take this anymore and stick with it. I told my daughter last year….you leave us don’t call when you get in jail again we are no longer going to help you. She gave me a sideways sly look on her face and smiled. She said, you will help me because you love me. I said I do love you but, we cannot do this anymore. </p><p></p><p>You got this, give yourself a break. What’s the harm in setting them free? See how they fly on their own? Some still have contact with their children but, do not support their life choices. I choose no contact because I am weak and easily manipulated, I know this now. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes :blush:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f60a.png" data-shortname=":blush:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ANewLife4Me, post: 765027, member: 32799"] My goodness, how similar our stories. 😢 Each time we bailed our daughter out of jail, she came to live with us as she had nowhere to go. We had conditions each and every time in order for her to stay with us. Holding a job and paying us rent was one of them. She often said….can’t you let me live here for free? How am I supposed to save up and get out if I have to pay you? Other parents don’t charge rent. She did absolutely nothing to help around the house, not even keep her room clean. Food containers, used tampon applicators…all on the floor of her bedroom. Here in Florida you just cannot throw them out, you have to evict them. She knew this and used it against us not having money for a lawyer to make this happen. Was verbally abusive to us everyday, never knew one second from the next what was going to happen, always on edge. She had attacked me twice, have video of one attack. She was not supposed to drink alcohol per the rules we made but, she did whatever she wanted. The alcohol plus her mental made her a violent mess this day. I was so hurt, was going to call the police for abuse but, you know why I did not? She had just gotten out of jail and I did not want her to go back. She too left us last year to live out of her car, see where it had gotten her? 9 months later she goes to ER did not receive the service she wanted, maybe drugs? became verbally abusive with everyone and hit an EMS worker in the face. I told her time and again that her mouth and violence will get her one day….on no Mommy, it won’t. Well look at you now, did I not tell her? So I guess what I am trying to say is your children and mine it’s definitely time. We need to absolutely step back in a big way. For me? My decision is not letting her come back home when she gets out of jail, have also gone no contact. Have not seen her in over a year now, she went no contact with us until that call from jail. I am not saying you should do the same but, let them figure it out. Your 18 year old loves to work, living out of a car is actually doable and not so bad if they choose to do it right. My daughter did not want to work, she did drugs and drank alcohol, she wanted the party life with no money to keep her going. Snooping on her Facebook said she became an exotic dancer and showed a picture of her with a wad of dollars spread out. Gave up 2 good jobs for that!! But, this was the life she wanted to lead living out of her car. Your 21 year old might say anything, as my daughter did, to live with you….am sure you know this already. But this time if this happens you just don’t agree on “rules” that they never follow. How about, you can live with us for 6 months, work and save your money, get your own place to stay. And stick with it, kick him out in 6 months time if he does not follow YOUR rules. 😊 You deserve as well as I for this nightmare to stop! I am almost 60 years old and this has given me my strength at this time. I don’t want to live whatever time is left on this earth dealing with my daughter….ENOUGH! It surely has broken my heart though in going no contact. I tell you from experience, please consider letting them do it on their own. Set those boundaries and let them know you’re not going to take this anymore and stick with it. I told my daughter last year….you leave us don’t call when you get in jail again we are no longer going to help you. She gave me a sideways sly look on her face and smiled. She said, you will help me because you love me. I said I do love you but, we cannot do this anymore. You got this, give yourself a break. What’s the harm in setting them free? See how they fly on their own? Some still have contact with their children but, do not support their life choices. I choose no contact because I am weak and easily manipulated, I know this now. 😊 [/QUOTE]
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