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Should I pay?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 585814" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Mary and welcome. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I know it's utterly heartbreaking.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I would not pay. My son left TLP and went out on his own at age 18. I didn't hear from him for 3 months. It was extremely hard on us to not know how he was. I resorted to checking out his social web pages just to make sure he was still alive. When he did finally make contact and we saw him, he looked *awful* - had lost a ton of weight, was doing who knows what drugs - but I really believe that waiting for him to contact us was the best thing we could have done. Trying to force contact would have been pointless, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>I definitely would never give a kid cash, for any reason, if I suspected drug use. My difficult child was really malnourished, which just killed me. We did buy him groceries and took them to him. But never never would I have given him cash.</p><p></p><p>I think in some ways by *not* forcing contact with her, you would keep the lines of communication more open. I also think it's important, when she does contact you, to not interrogate her about her life. I know that most of the questions I really wanted to ask, I *really* didn't want to know the answers to - and my kid would've told me every gnarly detail of his life if I had asked - so I kept it light and simple and basically just made sure he was okay (without the gruesome details) when he did call me.</p><p></p><p>Personally, knowing the kind of person I am, I would really start to resent paying my own kid to call me in pretty short order. I don't need that kind of anger in my life.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion. Again, glad you found us and so very very sorry you're going thru this right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 585814, member: 8"] Hi Mary and welcome. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I know it's utterly heartbreaking. Personally, I would not pay. My son left TLP and went out on his own at age 18. I didn't hear from him for 3 months. It was extremely hard on us to not know how he was. I resorted to checking out his social web pages just to make sure he was still alive. When he did finally make contact and we saw him, he looked *awful* - had lost a ton of weight, was doing who knows what drugs - but I really believe that waiting for him to contact us was the best thing we could have done. Trying to force contact would have been pointless, in my humble opinion. I definitely would never give a kid cash, for any reason, if I suspected drug use. My difficult child was really malnourished, which just killed me. We did buy him groceries and took them to him. But never never would I have given him cash. I think in some ways by *not* forcing contact with her, you would keep the lines of communication more open. I also think it's important, when she does contact you, to not interrogate her about her life. I know that most of the questions I really wanted to ask, I *really* didn't want to know the answers to - and my kid would've told me every gnarly detail of his life if I had asked - so I kept it light and simple and basically just made sure he was okay (without the gruesome details) when he did call me. Personally, knowing the kind of person I am, I would really start to resent paying my own kid to call me in pretty short order. I don't need that kind of anger in my life. Just my opinion. Again, glad you found us and so very very sorry you're going thru this right now. [/QUOTE]
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