Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Should I pay?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 585815" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Marys. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you are going through this with your daughter. A difficult child is what we call our challenging kids. As others have mentioned, you may want to copy and paste your post over to the Parent Emeritus forum where our difficult child's are over 18. </p><p></p><p>Like many of us here, your dilemma is a tough one, sometimes, for whatever reason, our kids turn out differently then we expected and we are at a loss as to what to do. I think it's a natural response for you to become anxious and frustrated when you don't hear from your daughter, it's her responses that are different, not yours. You asked for our opinions..............you're dealing with someone who has a skewered reality, as you mentioned she has emotional issues which at her age now, make your relationship difficult, so for many of us, the task become learning how to detach from our kids and finding ways to have a healthy and happy life. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post on detachment. If you haven't found them already, NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness is a wonderful resource for parents. You can find them online and they offer terrific groups for parents. Since your daughter is smoking pot, you could also benefit from 12 step groups which deal with substance abuse, and they also offer parent groups. Finding a therapist for you may be a place for you to receive support and find tools to learn how to not only detach from your daughter but accept what you cannot change. The serenity prayer helps many of us too. In other words, you cannot change another, we are powerless to do that, you didn't create this situation and you cannot control it either. I understand how tempting it is to want to pay for her to call you, I get that, but I don't think it's a good idea. You would be enabling negative behavior, it is her choice to not call you. As a child who was adopted at a late age, there are likely already attachment issues which unfortunately you are feeling more then she is. I'm sorry, I know how painful this is for you. Many of us here have had to learn how to detach from our grown children for various reasons because it is so negatively impacting our lives and clearly, we have no control over their choices. It doesn't mean you don't love her or can't help in certain ways, it means you are aware of your own lack of control, you accept that lack of control and you learn to respond differently which offers you peace of mind, It's not an easy road which is why some form of support for YOU is essential, otherwise we roll around trying desperately to save them, fix them, rescue them, control them,.............which is crazy-making and extremely stressful. The hard truth is that there is nothing you can do to change her, all you can do is learn how to respond differently. I wish you peace. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 585815, member: 13542"] Welcome Marys. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you are going through this with your daughter. A difficult child is what we call our challenging kids. As others have mentioned, you may want to copy and paste your post over to the Parent Emeritus forum where our difficult child's are over 18. Like many of us here, your dilemma is a tough one, sometimes, for whatever reason, our kids turn out differently then we expected and we are at a loss as to what to do. I think it's a natural response for you to become anxious and frustrated when you don't hear from your daughter, it's her responses that are different, not yours. You asked for our opinions..............you're dealing with someone who has a skewered reality, as you mentioned she has emotional issues which at her age now, make your relationship difficult, so for many of us, the task become learning how to detach from our kids and finding ways to have a healthy and happy life. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post on detachment. If you haven't found them already, NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness is a wonderful resource for parents. You can find them online and they offer terrific groups for parents. Since your daughter is smoking pot, you could also benefit from 12 step groups which deal with substance abuse, and they also offer parent groups. Finding a therapist for you may be a place for you to receive support and find tools to learn how to not only detach from your daughter but accept what you cannot change. The serenity prayer helps many of us too. In other words, you cannot change another, we are powerless to do that, you didn't create this situation and you cannot control it either. I understand how tempting it is to want to pay for her to call you, I get that, but I don't think it's a good idea. You would be enabling negative behavior, it is her choice to not call you. As a child who was adopted at a late age, there are likely already attachment issues which unfortunately you are feeling more then she is. I'm sorry, I know how painful this is for you. Many of us here have had to learn how to detach from our grown children for various reasons because it is so negatively impacting our lives and clearly, we have no control over their choices. It doesn't mean you don't love her or can't help in certain ways, it means you are aware of your own lack of control, you accept that lack of control and you learn to respond differently which offers you peace of mind, It's not an easy road which is why some form of support for YOU is essential, otherwise we roll around trying desperately to save them, fix them, rescue them, control them,.............which is crazy-making and extremely stressful. The hard truth is that there is nothing you can do to change her, all you can do is learn how to respond differently. I wish you peace. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Should I pay?
Top