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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 585818" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree that you'll get more responses on Parent Emeritus because that focuses strictly on adult children, which is way different than minor kids as we have no legal control of our adult children.</p><p></p><p>First of all, I'm also an adoptive mother and adopted kids of all ages, but the older children we adopted did not work out and were very damaged. Your daughter probably has some form of attachment disorder, which is partly why she was so hard to parent. She may have been sexually abused in one of her foster homes before she came to you as well. One social worker of an 11 year old boy we adopted (which was a nightmare) said that 99% of the k ids in foster care have been sexually abused. If so, maybe that's why she sought out boys so early. At any rate, I'm not surprised that she turned to drugs...maybe addiction is in her genetic family tree...sad as it is, I don't know of too many positive stories about adults that were older adoptees and did well. I'm sorry you are going through this though. Sounds like you've bent over back wards to help her. It's hard when they don't want to quit.</p><p></p><p>I would NOT send her any money at all. She will probably use it for drugs. And you don't know how steep she is into drugs. We never do. You may need to learn how to detach, which is a huge topic on Parent Emeritus. At any rate, you do need to and deserve to have a great life in spite of your grown daughter, since you can no longer control her. Maybe you could go to a therapist to learn how to move on while having a child who is putting herself in danger and isolating herself from you. It CAN be done! You didn't say if you are married or have any other kids, but if you do, I suggest concentrating on those who love a nd appreciate your goodness. You deserve to be valued for the kind and caring person that you are. I had to do this when a child we adopted at six from Hong Kong (and gave everything to including our hearts) walked out of our lives when he met a Chinese woman who didn't like us. They are married and I haven't seen him or his child, except for one very unsatisfying time, in six years and I'll probably never see him again. But I do have four other kids who love me a nd a great husband and I learned to detach and go on and my life is actually pretty good right now. It took time and therapy. </p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs to you. We're all here for you now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 585818, member: 1550"] I agree that you'll get more responses on Parent Emeritus because that focuses strictly on adult children, which is way different than minor kids as we have no legal control of our adult children. First of all, I'm also an adoptive mother and adopted kids of all ages, but the older children we adopted did not work out and were very damaged. Your daughter probably has some form of attachment disorder, which is partly why she was so hard to parent. She may have been sexually abused in one of her foster homes before she came to you as well. One social worker of an 11 year old boy we adopted (which was a nightmare) said that 99% of the k ids in foster care have been sexually abused. If so, maybe that's why she sought out boys so early. At any rate, I'm not surprised that she turned to drugs...maybe addiction is in her genetic family tree...sad as it is, I don't know of too many positive stories about adults that were older adoptees and did well. I'm sorry you are going through this though. Sounds like you've bent over back wards to help her. It's hard when they don't want to quit. I would NOT send her any money at all. She will probably use it for drugs. And you don't know how steep she is into drugs. We never do. You may need to learn how to detach, which is a huge topic on Parent Emeritus. At any rate, you do need to and deserve to have a great life in spite of your grown daughter, since you can no longer control her. Maybe you could go to a therapist to learn how to move on while having a child who is putting herself in danger and isolating herself from you. It CAN be done! You didn't say if you are married or have any other kids, but if you do, I suggest concentrating on those who love a nd appreciate your goodness. You deserve to be valued for the kind and caring person that you are. I had to do this when a child we adopted at six from Hong Kong (and gave everything to including our hearts) walked out of our lives when he met a Chinese woman who didn't like us. They are married and I haven't seen him or his child, except for one very unsatisfying time, in six years and I'll probably never see him again. But I do have four other kids who love me a nd a great husband and I learned to detach and go on and my life is actually pretty good right now. It took time and therapy. Gentle hugs to you. We're all here for you now. [/QUOTE]
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