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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 72187" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>There is no way a child of mine, 18 or 30, would do whatever he wanted to in my home. Unless the child is on his own, fully independent and acting as an adult, he sticks to MY rules. It's a compassionate way of looking at things. These young adults CAN NOT HANDLE the freedom they profess to want "cuz I'm eighteen." I remember my grandma used to say "busy hands are happy hands." I think anyone of any age with too much free time on his hands is far more apt to get into trouble. And young adults who seek stimulation don't do well with "free time" because it's not stimulating so they make their own stimulation. That doesn't mean an adult child can't calm down. My oft-mentioned daughter who was such a horrific drug abuser is so calm now that she expressed boredom with people who drink. "They act so stupid." Um, wow. We've come far.</p><p>But she didn't get there overnight, and I don't think anyone changes that much overnight. I think it takes a long time. For some, they will spend a lifetime fighting the need to find stimulation and redirecting them towards POSITIVE stimulation, in my opinion, is the key to better odds. Working hard can be VERY stimulating. Saving for a car is a goal to look forward to. Sweating while you fix up your room, painting and all, is gratifying. Volunteering your services to help others is gratifying too, but for difficult children I recommend a paying job, without it being for a family member because they know they have it easier. I think difficult child's enjoy making money; they may need help budgeting it for useful purposes. Anyways, that's my final .2 :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 72187, member: 1550"] There is no way a child of mine, 18 or 30, would do whatever he wanted to in my home. Unless the child is on his own, fully independent and acting as an adult, he sticks to MY rules. It's a compassionate way of looking at things. These young adults CAN NOT HANDLE the freedom they profess to want "cuz I'm eighteen." I remember my grandma used to say "busy hands are happy hands." I think anyone of any age with too much free time on his hands is far more apt to get into trouble. And young adults who seek stimulation don't do well with "free time" because it's not stimulating so they make their own stimulation. That doesn't mean an adult child can't calm down. My oft-mentioned daughter who was such a horrific drug abuser is so calm now that she expressed boredom with people who drink. "They act so stupid." Um, wow. We've come far. But she didn't get there overnight, and I don't think anyone changes that much overnight. I think it takes a long time. For some, they will spend a lifetime fighting the need to find stimulation and redirecting them towards POSITIVE stimulation, in my opinion, is the key to better odds. Working hard can be VERY stimulating. Saving for a car is a goal to look forward to. Sweating while you fix up your room, painting and all, is gratifying. Volunteering your services to help others is gratifying too, but for difficult children I recommend a paying job, without it being for a family member because they know they have it easier. I think difficult child's enjoy making money; they may need help budgeting it for useful purposes. Anyways, that's my final .2 [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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