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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="CAmom" data-source="post: 72352" data-attributes="member: 1835"><p>MM, thanks for that FINAL .02! :smile: and to everyone else for their input. </p><p></p><p>My son has this strange compulsion (only thing I can think to call it...) at times where he simply HAS to at least feel that he has the upper hand, i.e., I would say, "We need to leave at 10:45" to which he would respond, "ten-forty-EIGHT!" </p><p></p><p>This last two weeks since he's been home have been like an odd dance whereby my husband and I take a small step in one direction, and our son responds in counterpoint. It's been difficult because a child left our home and an adult (at least legally...) returned. Some of the rules and expectations we had of him and he had of us in the past are no longer relavent, so we're all learning to redefine our relationships.</p><p></p><p>Despite his blustering, which has been surprisingly infrequent, I think we're coming along fairly well. As he promised, he's beginning work today. I agree with you all that working for his dad might not be the greatest idea. However, we all sat down last night, and my husband laid out his "policies," so our son knows what his dad's expectations are. As I've said before, neither of us feel that our son is going to be working for his dad for long, but my husband feels he should at least have the opportunity to join his business and, hopefully, take it over one day. </p><p></p><p>He also continues to be home by midnight--the curfew he put upon himself and to which we agreed. He continues to keep his room relatively clean, has been respectful (haven't heard the F-word once during the entire two weeks he's been home when he used it in every sentence last summer...), and will do little things to help around the house without being asked. I've been tracking his checking account online, and he still has most of the money he started with, the rest being spent in fast-food type restaurants and on clothing. </p><p></p><p>I also don't believe that people change overnight or even at all, at least not on any core-type level, but, the program our son was in was VERY much behavior-modification-oriented, and it appears that some of this "stuck," i.e., the elimination of the profanity, noticing when something around the house needs to be done, doing things for oneself, etc. </p><p></p><p>So, although things are far from perfect, compared to life in our home last summer, this is heaven.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CAmom, post: 72352, member: 1835"] MM, thanks for that FINAL .02! [img]:smile:[/img] and to everyone else for their input. My son has this strange compulsion (only thing I can think to call it...) at times where he simply HAS to at least feel that he has the upper hand, i.e., I would say, "We need to leave at 10:45" to which he would respond, "ten-forty-EIGHT!" This last two weeks since he's been home have been like an odd dance whereby my husband and I take a small step in one direction, and our son responds in counterpoint. It's been difficult because a child left our home and an adult (at least legally...) returned. Some of the rules and expectations we had of him and he had of us in the past are no longer relavent, so we're all learning to redefine our relationships. Despite his blustering, which has been surprisingly infrequent, I think we're coming along fairly well. As he promised, he's beginning work today. I agree with you all that working for his dad might not be the greatest idea. However, we all sat down last night, and my husband laid out his "policies," so our son knows what his dad's expectations are. As I've said before, neither of us feel that our son is going to be working for his dad for long, but my husband feels he should at least have the opportunity to join his business and, hopefully, take it over one day. He also continues to be home by midnight--the curfew he put upon himself and to which we agreed. He continues to keep his room relatively clean, has been respectful (haven't heard the F-word once during the entire two weeks he's been home when he used it in every sentence last summer...), and will do little things to help around the house without being asked. I've been tracking his checking account online, and he still has most of the money he started with, the rest being spent in fast-food type restaurants and on clothing. I also don't believe that people change overnight or even at all, at least not on any core-type level, but, the program our son was in was VERY much behavior-modification-oriented, and it appears that some of this "stuck," i.e., the elimination of the profanity, noticing when something around the house needs to be done, doing things for oneself, etc. So, although things are far from perfect, compared to life in our home last summer, this is heaven. [/QUOTE]
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