Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Showdown at the OK Corale
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 421174" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks Marguerite. I do know already that the way I dealt with the situation was flawed - especially picking him up and taking the star away... this really upset him and as I was doing it I could kind of feel and sort-of remember how such a thing would have really upset me when I was a small child... </p><p>I do take the point about playing outside before bed. I hadn't thought about this and I think you are right. One of the problems for me in this area is that I have never, ever had bedtime problems with J - so it is as if I now think he will automatically go to bed, whatever... Of course he was stimulated, yes, not in bedtime mode after that... </p><p>I cannot tell you about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - as you know, I'm not looking for labels right now... He definitely is egalitarian in his dealings with me - will sometimes say things like (as in your example with your daughter): "I've already asked you to do X. Why don't you listen to me?" and I think he does want to be in control, feels anxious when he is not. This is often an issue for adopted children, I read... </p><p>At the same time there is something about him that is responsive, capable of change, self-control... It's not a straightforward picture. Maybe it never is.</p><p>This morning we had a "debrief". I spoke to him honestly and said that something in me had felt scared and angry and that was why I had hit him. I apologised. We talked about what he had done and why it had happened, how it could have happened better (for both of us, although I didn't say that - he doesn't need to be burdened with my dilemma). He declared that in future he will go to bed straight away when I ask!! We both felt better after the conversation and the relationship (somewhat) restored. I talked to him about having a set bedtime of 8.</p><p>Afterwards, before school, he went out to look at our local mountain through the binoculars and came back wanting me to come and look at the sun... Which was big and bright in the sky. When we had admired it, he said, jigging about: "It's time to celebrate!"</p><p>The sunshine after the storm...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 421174, member: 11227"] Thanks Marguerite. I do know already that the way I dealt with the situation was flawed - especially picking him up and taking the star away... this really upset him and as I was doing it I could kind of feel and sort-of remember how such a thing would have really upset me when I was a small child... I do take the point about playing outside before bed. I hadn't thought about this and I think you are right. One of the problems for me in this area is that I have never, ever had bedtime problems with J - so it is as if I now think he will automatically go to bed, whatever... Of course he was stimulated, yes, not in bedtime mode after that... I cannot tell you about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - as you know, I'm not looking for labels right now... He definitely is egalitarian in his dealings with me - will sometimes say things like (as in your example with your daughter): "I've already asked you to do X. Why don't you listen to me?" and I think he does want to be in control, feels anxious when he is not. This is often an issue for adopted children, I read... At the same time there is something about him that is responsive, capable of change, self-control... It's not a straightforward picture. Maybe it never is. This morning we had a "debrief". I spoke to him honestly and said that something in me had felt scared and angry and that was why I had hit him. I apologised. We talked about what he had done and why it had happened, how it could have happened better (for both of us, although I didn't say that - he doesn't need to be burdened with my dilemma). He declared that in future he will go to bed straight away when I ask!! We both felt better after the conversation and the relationship (somewhat) restored. I talked to him about having a set bedtime of 8. Afterwards, before school, he went out to look at our local mountain through the binoculars and came back wanting me to come and look at the sun... Which was big and bright in the sky. When we had admired it, he said, jigging about: "It's time to celebrate!" The sunshine after the storm... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Showdown at the OK Corale
Top