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Showdown at the OK Corale
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 421771" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I guess everything depends on how you look at it, Marguerite <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Your post made me think, or realise, that my standard of judgement for J is relative to him, not to what is "normal"... MWM is "accusing" me (lol) of denying how violent he is... but in fact I judge him by the way he has evolved. When he was two or so he was constantly hitting other kids to get a toy he wanted, etc... when I went out to public playgrounds, etc, there was often some incident or other with an enraged parent accosting me because J had hit her little boy (even then it was usually boys not girls he got physical with...) </p><p></p><p>But now? This almost never happens. He plays at fighting with other boys but he does not lash out at other kids any more in anger. He has learnt something.</p><p></p><p>With me, he used to scratch, kick, pull my hair, hit me frenetically when he was in a rage.... now he will usually make a gesture of hitting me, obviously restraining himself with difficulty. But still restraining himself.</p><p></p><p>So to me this is fantastic progress!! A normal parent might look at all this and think it is all very worrying still... but my point of reference has changed completely. To me, compared to what he was, J is no longer violent... I am not judging by some outside yardstick but just by J's one... I think that's what happens when you have one of these different children! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 421771, member: 11227"] I guess everything depends on how you look at it, Marguerite :-) Your post made me think, or realise, that my standard of judgement for J is relative to him, not to what is "normal"... MWM is "accusing" me (lol) of denying how violent he is... but in fact I judge him by the way he has evolved. When he was two or so he was constantly hitting other kids to get a toy he wanted, etc... when I went out to public playgrounds, etc, there was often some incident or other with an enraged parent accosting me because J had hit her little boy (even then it was usually boys not girls he got physical with...) But now? This almost never happens. He plays at fighting with other boys but he does not lash out at other kids any more in anger. He has learnt something. With me, he used to scratch, kick, pull my hair, hit me frenetically when he was in a rage.... now he will usually make a gesture of hitting me, obviously restraining himself with difficulty. But still restraining himself. So to me this is fantastic progress!! A normal parent might look at all this and think it is all very worrying still... but my point of reference has changed completely. To me, compared to what he was, J is no longer violent... I am not judging by some outside yardstick but just by J's one... I think that's what happens when you have one of these different children! :-) [/QUOTE]
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