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Family of Origin
Shunning: A Tool Widely Used
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 667397" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Good Morning, Everybody</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>In an effort to understand why my family of origin behaves as it does toward me, I began researching the practice of shunning. What I found is that we all practice shunning. It's a matter of degree. From the husband refusing to speak to his wife in the morning to the vilification of political figures, from socially sanctioned racism to religious intolerance to outright terrorism, shaming and shunning are degrees of the same thing: Punishment for deviation from established norms. </p><p></p><p>Pack and herd animals practice shunning based on the alpha animal's response to the lesser ~ or to the stronger, more defiant ~ member of the pack or herd. </p><p></p><p>This is called the pecking order.</p><p></p><p>The pecking order is in effect from the barnyard to the Boardroom.</p><p></p><p>For the lesser animal, banishment means isolation and death. </p><p></p><p>In the case of the defiant pack or herd member, bullying or shaming will not be tolerated. The alpha animal will be confronted and destroyed or the defiant member will leave, establishing a second herd or pack. </p><p></p><p>Shunning, or turning away from, is a form of shaming gone public. Whether it is family of origin uniting to shame one of their own or a community of like minded people uniting to shame another segment of the community, shunning is done to punish; is done to isolate and to leave the outcast defenseless and ashamed.</p><p></p><p>One of the articles I read discussed religious terrorism in the Middle East in terms of shaming and shunning culminating in multiple beheadings. Ridicule progressing to victimization progressing to ostracization progressing to socially sanctioned murder.</p><p></p><p>In the Middle East, a woman can be publicly stoned for defying religious mores. </p><p></p><p>So, that is how far shunning can go. That is how serious a thing it is, to be rejected or disparaged by family and community. Or, in abusive relationships, by our mates. Or when we are bullied at school or at work or at home. In their attempts to elicit allies among our sibs, in their attempts to shame or ostracize us through rumor and innuendo (or calling the cops) this is the ugliness at the core of what our families of origin are doing.</p><p></p><p>Not very pretty, is it.</p><p></p><p>Isolated, deprived of our people and our memories and traditions, deprived too of anticipation of loving support <em>not only in the future, but in how we are interpreted in our pasts</em>, we are made less than fully, joyfully human. <em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And that is the intent of shunning in dysfunctional families.</em></p><p></p><p>Serenity, this is for you:</p><p></p><p><img src="http://www.centerforinquiry.net/images/blog_images/shun.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /> </p><p></p><p></p><p>Links to articles on shunning/shaming/bullying</p><p></p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janice-harper/a-reason-and-season-to-st_b_1146103.html" target="_blank">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janice-harper/a-reason-and-season-to-st_b_1146103.html</a></p><p></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-bullying/201309/the-silence-shunning-conversation-kipling-william" target="_blank">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-bullying/201309/the-silence-shunning-conversation-kipling-william</a></p><p></p><p><a href="http://theovereducatedhousewife.blogspot.com/2012/01/shunning.html" target="_blank">http://theovereducatedhousewife.blogspot.com/2012/01/shunning.html</a></p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 667397, member: 17461"] Good Morning, Everybody :O) In an effort to understand why my family of origin behaves as it does toward me, I began researching the practice of shunning. What I found is that we all practice shunning. It's a matter of degree. From the husband refusing to speak to his wife in the morning to the vilification of political figures, from socially sanctioned racism to religious intolerance to outright terrorism, shaming and shunning are degrees of the same thing: Punishment for deviation from established norms. Pack and herd animals practice shunning based on the alpha animal's response to the lesser ~ or to the stronger, more defiant ~ member of the pack or herd. This is called the pecking order. The pecking order is in effect from the barnyard to the Boardroom. For the lesser animal, banishment means isolation and death. In the case of the defiant pack or herd member, bullying or shaming will not be tolerated. The alpha animal will be confronted and destroyed or the defiant member will leave, establishing a second herd or pack. Shunning, or turning away from, is a form of shaming gone public. Whether it is family of origin uniting to shame one of their own or a community of like minded people uniting to shame another segment of the community, shunning is done to punish; is done to isolate and to leave the outcast defenseless and ashamed. One of the articles I read discussed religious terrorism in the Middle East in terms of shaming and shunning culminating in multiple beheadings. Ridicule progressing to victimization progressing to ostracization progressing to socially sanctioned murder. In the Middle East, a woman can be publicly stoned for defying religious mores. So, that is how far shunning can go. That is how serious a thing it is, to be rejected or disparaged by family and community. Or, in abusive relationships, by our mates. Or when we are bullied at school or at work or at home. In their attempts to elicit allies among our sibs, in their attempts to shame or ostracize us through rumor and innuendo (or calling the cops) this is the ugliness at the core of what our families of origin are doing. Not very pretty, is it. Isolated, deprived of our people and our memories and traditions, deprived too of anticipation of loving support [I]not only in the future, but in how we are interpreted in our pasts[/I], we are made less than fully, joyfully human. [I] And that is the intent of shunning in dysfunctional families.[/I] Serenity, this is for you: [IMG]http://www.centerforinquiry.net/images/blog_images/shun.jpg[/IMG] Links to articles on shunning/shaming/bullying [URL]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janice-harper/a-reason-and-season-to-st_b_1146103.html[/URL] [URL]https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-bullying/201309/the-silence-shunning-conversation-kipling-william[/URL] [URL]http://theovereducatedhousewife.blogspot.com/2012/01/shunning.html[/URL] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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