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Shunning: A Tool Widely Used
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 668060" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar of course she thought she could get me banned here because she always goes over my head to keep me in line. And she is always surprised when people don't believe her, but since the only two people there were her and me and me and my mom, she doesn't get that she is only telling a story from her perspective or her own altered reality, as could be said with me too. If she tells people I"m mentally ill and she's not, then she can trick herself to believe she never had and still has an eating disorder that makes her do certain things in a peculiar way and makes her think in a certain way. It's just me. After all I admit it. And if you don't admit it, it's not true. But an eating disorder is a mental illness that can kill you (I hope it doesn't kill her. I really mean that with all my heart).</p><p></p><p>And if she says I abused my mom and her mom was not the cause of her problems for ignoring her as a child, which is a definite form of abuse, then it didn't happen. After all, as she says she "grew up" with a borderline sister (you can't be borderline at three or ten or even sixteen years old), she can blame everything on me. I was the one who didn't teach us manners, boundaries, life skills, cleaning and cooking skills, or give nurturing. I am the default for the person who is really responsible, my mother. It is a fact, and even she knows it, that my mother would not discipline me for teasing her and THAT is why it went on. And my brother helped me do it too. It is a fact that my mother supported my brother's college education with enthusiasm while she made my sister get a loan and refused to let her major in her choice of a career in order for her to co-sign. It was always my mother's decisions. My dad did what my mother wanted. He cowered before her too. Yes, he yelled at her, but he was scared of her too, just like I fought back but, at the same time, was afraid of and at times felt the extent of emotion that could mean hated her. It didn't last, but there were times. My sister saw that. She heard it. She was there when she felt so low in self-esteem and so neglected that shse stopped eating. She has still not recovered. She thinks she had. If you knew her and know anything about eating disorders, you'd know being very underweight and being beautiful are still primary focuses in her life.</p><p></p><p>"I like attention." (for looks) Often she has said that. In a married man. In an abusive jerk. Flattered by anyone who told her she looked good. I never saw the lady eat. I did see her cook for others. Never once in my adulthood seen her sit down at a restaurant and order a meal and eat it. Drink coffee, yes. Drink alcohol on an empty stomach because she "fasted" so she could drink (because of calorites) yes.</p><p></p><p>There are personality problems that go along with being anorexic, such as being controlling. YYou stop eating because you feel as if your life is out of control, but you have control of this one area.</p><p></p><p>"SWOT, I saw your sister at the XXX Grocery Store, and she is so skinny. She looks like she has HIV>" (Ex husband)</p><p></p><p>"If I weight more than 100 lbs, I diet until I'm under that." (Her)</p><p></p><p>Why am I sharing with my friends?</p><p></p><p>She tells everyone I am mentalaly ill, which is true. Without my medications, I would probably be too depressed to function. That's serious. I've been hospitalized for that and take very good care of my physical and mental health to make sure I stay stable. And I do have down days, although not as bad as before Paroxatene, my magic medication, and all the new therapy that has helped me soooooooooooo much. I am in NAMI and am studying to becoming a Peer Mentor for others who are mentally ill. My sister makes me out to anyone who will listen as a crazy person because I have a mental illness. And she adds to my diagnoses as if mood disorder not otherwise specified, Anxiety disorder, panic disorder, mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and neurological disorder not otherwise specified are not bad enough. Nope. She homed in on borderline, which I thought I once could be. I think just as strongly that she could have it. In truth, I think we both have traits, which I try to control. Every therapist I have brought this up to, plus psychiatrists, said I do not have it. I have had long term relationships. I have never attempted suicide. I do not cut. I do not fight with my employers (my issues at employment are neurologically related), I have long term friends, I don't cut, I don't have an eating disorder (yes, this is common with borderline), I do not refuse to take my medications, refuse to go for help, or deny that I NEED help. I do not steal or break the law or have problems with authority figures. All of these are borderline traits. I don't have most of them. And people way smarter than her have told me this. But, being her own type of mental illness, saying I have it and she doesn't makes her feel in control of me, although, to be honest, since she was suspended from her site, I have had radio silence from her and it's good. I won't seek her out.</p><p></p><p>This is something that I really wanted to put out there for my friends. I have a few symptoms of Borderline (BPD), not enough for a diagnosis and very much under control. And so does my sister. And she is mentally ill with a very serious eating disorder. And my Uncle Vain did too. And he ran and ran and ran, just like she does. And over-exercised. And wouldn't eat normally. And he thought he was very healthy. And he died at 72 which, by today's standards, is not old.</p><p></p><p>My sister is so much like my uncle was that it's spooky. In this way of over-worry about appearance, eating and over-exercising they are exactly the same. She says Uncle Vain only ate certain things and that is wahy he died young. Well, I've never seen her eat. Sadly, I think one of her kids may be following in her footsteps with encouragement from sister. She has smart kids, beautiful kids...I can't think of anything bad about her kids. But they can't be 100% ok if they were raised by her. Just as my kids have some issues too, but only one seems to have anything similiar to me...Bart. Biology. Anorexia is becoming known as a biological pre-disposition. I hope I'm wrong with every fiber in my being. But I don't think so.</p><p></p><p>Ok, so this is the very last thing I wanted to put down on paper. I am tired of Sis calling ME mentally ill, when I admit it and everyone I know accepts it. And I'm tired of her using it as a slur. She is using it to punish me yet again.</p><p></p><p>And I am not going to post as often because Daphne was here. At least not here will I post as often. I just never know who is still reading this.</p><p></p><p>But this was oen bit of ranting that must have been bubbling up inside of me because I was literally pounding the keys as I typed.</p><p></p><p>What kind of people are these? Why do they so much want to feel better about themselves that they have a need to so mean about us? And my sister can post on an anon. site forever. I don't care. She shares this in her real life too. That's different. Except in therapy, I don't really talk bout her in real life. I am not interested in telling her friends or anybody about what I think of her or know of her. I could have. I could tell her friends the horrible things she told me about them or their significant others. There are ways. Daphne proved that.</p><p></p><p>What is the point of that though? I never want to talk about her to anybody. Most people never even hear I have a sister or a brother. I talk about my husband and kids with love a nd pride, but not about my FOO.</p><p></p><p>Why do they feel the need to do it? It isn't even true.</p><p></p><p>Ok, I'm done (whew!).</p><p></p><p>On a lighter note, no work today, but I had so many things to get done that I just got home. I walked my two best friends (doggies) and spent some time with them and getting ready for a healthy jog. Not a twenty mile job, but a half hour to forty five minute mild jog along the river. It is very beautiful there and it's so cool and sunny outside. Paradise.</p><p></p><p>I hope you two are having a great day. I am glad I can vent. Now I feel like I got even more weight off my shoulders and can enjoy the rest of my day.</p><p></p><p>At least be glad that your sibs don't tell everyone they know that you have a "crazy" (her word) sister. As if she is Ms. Normal.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 668060, member: 1550"] Cedar of course she thought she could get me banned here because she always goes over my head to keep me in line. And she is always surprised when people don't believe her, but since the only two people there were her and me and me and my mom, she doesn't get that she is only telling a story from her perspective or her own altered reality, as could be said with me too. If she tells people I"m mentally ill and she's not, then she can trick herself to believe she never had and still has an eating disorder that makes her do certain things in a peculiar way and makes her think in a certain way. It's just me. After all I admit it. And if you don't admit it, it's not true. But an eating disorder is a mental illness that can kill you (I hope it doesn't kill her. I really mean that with all my heart). And if she says I abused my mom and her mom was not the cause of her problems for ignoring her as a child, which is a definite form of abuse, then it didn't happen. After all, as she says she "grew up" with a borderline sister (you can't be borderline at three or ten or even sixteen years old), she can blame everything on me. I was the one who didn't teach us manners, boundaries, life skills, cleaning and cooking skills, or give nurturing. I am the default for the person who is really responsible, my mother. It is a fact, and even she knows it, that my mother would not discipline me for teasing her and THAT is why it went on. And my brother helped me do it too. It is a fact that my mother supported my brother's college education with enthusiasm while she made my sister get a loan and refused to let her major in her choice of a career in order for her to co-sign. It was always my mother's decisions. My dad did what my mother wanted. He cowered before her too. Yes, he yelled at her, but he was scared of her too, just like I fought back but, at the same time, was afraid of and at times felt the extent of emotion that could mean hated her. It didn't last, but there were times. My sister saw that. She heard it. She was there when she felt so low in self-esteem and so neglected that shse stopped eating. She has still not recovered. She thinks she had. If you knew her and know anything about eating disorders, you'd know being very underweight and being beautiful are still primary focuses in her life. "I like attention." (for looks) Often she has said that. In a married man. In an abusive jerk. Flattered by anyone who told her she looked good. I never saw the lady eat. I did see her cook for others. Never once in my adulthood seen her sit down at a restaurant and order a meal and eat it. Drink coffee, yes. Drink alcohol on an empty stomach because she "fasted" so she could drink (because of calorites) yes. There are personality problems that go along with being anorexic, such as being controlling. YYou stop eating because you feel as if your life is out of control, but you have control of this one area. "SWOT, I saw your sister at the XXX Grocery Store, and she is so skinny. She looks like she has HIV>" (Ex husband) "If I weight more than 100 lbs, I diet until I'm under that." (Her) Why am I sharing with my friends? She tells everyone I am mentalaly ill, which is true. Without my medications, I would probably be too depressed to function. That's serious. I've been hospitalized for that and take very good care of my physical and mental health to make sure I stay stable. And I do have down days, although not as bad as before Paroxatene, my magic medication, and all the new therapy that has helped me soooooooooooo much. I am in NAMI and am studying to becoming a Peer Mentor for others who are mentally ill. My sister makes me out to anyone who will listen as a crazy person because I have a mental illness. And she adds to my diagnoses as if mood disorder not otherwise specified, Anxiety disorder, panic disorder, mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and neurological disorder not otherwise specified are not bad enough. Nope. She homed in on borderline, which I thought I once could be. I think just as strongly that she could have it. In truth, I think we both have traits, which I try to control. Every therapist I have brought this up to, plus psychiatrists, said I do not have it. I have had long term relationships. I have never attempted suicide. I do not cut. I do not fight with my employers (my issues at employment are neurologically related), I have long term friends, I don't cut, I don't have an eating disorder (yes, this is common with borderline), I do not refuse to take my medications, refuse to go for help, or deny that I NEED help. I do not steal or break the law or have problems with authority figures. All of these are borderline traits. I don't have most of them. And people way smarter than her have told me this. But, being her own type of mental illness, saying I have it and she doesn't makes her feel in control of me, although, to be honest, since she was suspended from her site, I have had radio silence from her and it's good. I won't seek her out. This is something that I really wanted to put out there for my friends. I have a few symptoms of Borderline (BPD), not enough for a diagnosis and very much under control. And so does my sister. And she is mentally ill with a very serious eating disorder. And my Uncle Vain did too. And he ran and ran and ran, just like she does. And over-exercised. And wouldn't eat normally. And he thought he was very healthy. And he died at 72 which, by today's standards, is not old. My sister is so much like my uncle was that it's spooky. In this way of over-worry about appearance, eating and over-exercising they are exactly the same. She says Uncle Vain only ate certain things and that is wahy he died young. Well, I've never seen her eat. Sadly, I think one of her kids may be following in her footsteps with encouragement from sister. She has smart kids, beautiful kids...I can't think of anything bad about her kids. But they can't be 100% ok if they were raised by her. Just as my kids have some issues too, but only one seems to have anything similiar to me...Bart. Biology. Anorexia is becoming known as a biological pre-disposition. I hope I'm wrong with every fiber in my being. But I don't think so. Ok, so this is the very last thing I wanted to put down on paper. I am tired of Sis calling ME mentally ill, when I admit it and everyone I know accepts it. And I'm tired of her using it as a slur. She is using it to punish me yet again. And I am not going to post as often because Daphne was here. At least not here will I post as often. I just never know who is still reading this. But this was oen bit of ranting that must have been bubbling up inside of me because I was literally pounding the keys as I typed. What kind of people are these? Why do they so much want to feel better about themselves that they have a need to so mean about us? And my sister can post on an anon. site forever. I don't care. She shares this in her real life too. That's different. Except in therapy, I don't really talk bout her in real life. I am not interested in telling her friends or anybody about what I think of her or know of her. I could have. I could tell her friends the horrible things she told me about them or their significant others. There are ways. Daphne proved that. What is the point of that though? I never want to talk about her to anybody. Most people never even hear I have a sister or a brother. I talk about my husband and kids with love a nd pride, but not about my FOO. Why do they feel the need to do it? It isn't even true. Ok, I'm done (whew!). On a lighter note, no work today, but I had so many things to get done that I just got home. I walked my two best friends (doggies) and spent some time with them and getting ready for a healthy jog. Not a twenty mile job, but a half hour to forty five minute mild jog along the river. It is very beautiful there and it's so cool and sunny outside. Paradise. I hope you two are having a great day. I am glad I can vent. Now I feel like I got even more weight off my shoulders and can enjoy the rest of my day. At least be glad that your sibs don't tell everyone they know that you have a "crazy" (her word) sister. As if she is Ms. Normal. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! [/QUOTE]
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