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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 543566" data-attributes="member: 15804"><p>Thanks for the responses.</p><p></p><p>This challenge really is tough isn't it? Each individual family has their own dynamics and challenges. Although difficult children that are only children without siblings face their own problems associated with being an only child...difficult children with siblings give their parents two sets of children's issues to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Because my easy child is a bit older than difficult child she was "recruited" as my assistant at a very young age. Mostly, because she was very good at it. When he was a baby I would tell her, "Make difficult child happy" and she would go through her routine of playing, singing, jumping, whatever to get him to stop crying. I had no idea then that was just the beginning of something way more serious. Also from the earliest days she would be reprimanded for "setting him off" "You know how he is! Why did you say/do/not say/not do_____." So, she has had it rough both ways: make him happy and keep him from getting upset. That's a tough job for a little girl.</p><p></p><p>That all being said plus the fact that he has been physically aggressive towards her still does not change how close and connected they are to each other. Because there are just the two of them and they are very close in age, their relationship is even more intense I believe.</p><p></p><p>Thankfully, easy child has friends although difficult child has made that difficult at times. There have been many instances in the past when children were afraid of/shunned/or just didn't want to be around difficult child and therefore easy child lost those children as playmates. Also, difficult child embarrasses easy child many times on purpose by saying inappropriate things to easy child's friends and no surprise here, he is often jealous of her friends. All of these things make maintaining friendships challenging for easy child but she does it. Still, I hope we can find her some way of connecting with kids her own age that have difficult child siblings. </p><p></p><p>I worry about her future...I worry if I have doomed her to a life of enabling and co-dependency. These are issues I would like to discuss with a therapist.</p><p></p><p>I know that I have waited way too long to start addressing this issue directly instead of just thinking and talking about it. My goal is to keep easy child a focus as much as difficult child as we all try to address difficult child's condition. I also need to remind myself that no one has a perfect sibling relationship...nor perfect life....and stop feeling responsible for every little bit of it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 543566, member: 15804"] Thanks for the responses. This challenge really is tough isn't it? Each individual family has their own dynamics and challenges. Although difficult children that are only children without siblings face their own problems associated with being an only child...difficult children with siblings give their parents two sets of children's issues to deal with. Because my easy child is a bit older than difficult child she was "recruited" as my assistant at a very young age. Mostly, because she was very good at it. When he was a baby I would tell her, "Make difficult child happy" and she would go through her routine of playing, singing, jumping, whatever to get him to stop crying. I had no idea then that was just the beginning of something way more serious. Also from the earliest days she would be reprimanded for "setting him off" "You know how he is! Why did you say/do/not say/not do_____." So, she has had it rough both ways: make him happy and keep him from getting upset. That's a tough job for a little girl. That all being said plus the fact that he has been physically aggressive towards her still does not change how close and connected they are to each other. Because there are just the two of them and they are very close in age, their relationship is even more intense I believe. Thankfully, easy child has friends although difficult child has made that difficult at times. There have been many instances in the past when children were afraid of/shunned/or just didn't want to be around difficult child and therefore easy child lost those children as playmates. Also, difficult child embarrasses easy child many times on purpose by saying inappropriate things to easy child's friends and no surprise here, he is often jealous of her friends. All of these things make maintaining friendships challenging for easy child but she does it. Still, I hope we can find her some way of connecting with kids her own age that have difficult child siblings. I worry about her future...I worry if I have doomed her to a life of enabling and co-dependency. These are issues I would like to discuss with a therapist. I know that I have waited way too long to start addressing this issue directly instead of just thinking and talking about it. My goal is to keep easy child a focus as much as difficult child as we all try to address difficult child's condition. I also need to remind myself that no one has a perfect sibling relationship...nor perfect life....and stop feeling responsible for every little bit of it. [/QUOTE]
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