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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 390891"><p>thanks for all the comments and discussion.... I guess it is just true that siblings are affected by the actions of their siblings. Our story is similar to Janes. When my son went off to a wilderness program and then TBS when he was in 9th grade my daughter was quite upset by the whole thing. Yet the 16 months he was gone was great for her. She blossomed and we got a lot closer. She absolutely did not want him to come home and had no faith that he had changed at all. I think she saw things we didn't see. That first year he was back was ok but slowly things went down hill and she got pretty disgusted with him and was very embarrassed by him and would have to deal with comments about him. When she started at the high school she would meet kids in his grade or who knew him who could not believe he was her brother. When we kicked him out of the house in June she was greatly relieved and things were much better. When he came back in August she really withdrew. Over the summer we started her in therapy because of a few things she had revealed that had us wondering coupled with some events in the community that were very upsetting...nothing to do with us personally but upsetting all the same to the community. I think in therapy she has gotten a lot clearer about things and has opened up to the therapist about things she experienced with her brother that we did not know about. So she is understandably angry at him for all he trouble he has caused the family and her and she is very embarrassed by him and his reputation. So there is a lot of work to be done on their relationship and i know I have to leave that to them.... I don't know if their relationship can be repaired in the future or not. It certainly won't happen if he does not stay sober and get his life together. It is pretty clear to me that it is not good for her for him to come back home.... and it probably is not good for him or us either. I dread that conversation with him though. I just long for the good relationship they had together when they were little...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 390891"] thanks for all the comments and discussion.... I guess it is just true that siblings are affected by the actions of their siblings. Our story is similar to Janes. When my son went off to a wilderness program and then TBS when he was in 9th grade my daughter was quite upset by the whole thing. Yet the 16 months he was gone was great for her. She blossomed and we got a lot closer. She absolutely did not want him to come home and had no faith that he had changed at all. I think she saw things we didn't see. That first year he was back was ok but slowly things went down hill and she got pretty disgusted with him and was very embarrassed by him and would have to deal with comments about him. When she started at the high school she would meet kids in his grade or who knew him who could not believe he was her brother. When we kicked him out of the house in June she was greatly relieved and things were much better. When he came back in August she really withdrew. Over the summer we started her in therapy because of a few things she had revealed that had us wondering coupled with some events in the community that were very upsetting...nothing to do with us personally but upsetting all the same to the community. I think in therapy she has gotten a lot clearer about things and has opened up to the therapist about things she experienced with her brother that we did not know about. So she is understandably angry at him for all he trouble he has caused the family and her and she is very embarrassed by him and his reputation. So there is a lot of work to be done on their relationship and i know I have to leave that to them.... I don't know if their relationship can be repaired in the future or not. It certainly won't happen if he does not stay sober and get his life together. It is pretty clear to me that it is not good for her for him to come back home.... and it probably is not good for him or us either. I dread that conversation with him though. I just long for the good relationship they had together when they were little... [/QUOTE]
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