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Sick of difficult child using divorce as her excuse...still!
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 58371" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Well, thank you everyone for your responses - each and everyone of you made great points - thoughts, in fact, that I've been mulling over in my own head.</p><p></p><p>difficult child had a cognitive therapist and once the therapist got difficult child on the right track, difficult child refused to see the therapist again. She doesn't WANT things to get better it seems. It SEEMS as if she enjoys being stuck in the mud. As long as she has this great excuse to be stuck and miserable, she is resistent to move or change her behavior or patterns of thinking about everything else. It's easier for her in the short term, but in the long term I fear her life with be mired in turmoil and grief. </p><p></p><p>I am wanting to speak with the counselor and make sure she knows that I don't want to waste another 3 years in counseling so difficult child can reinforce her skewed ideas about what exh and I would have been like had we never divorced! I want this counselor to act as more of a life coach for difficult child - teach her how to cope better, let go of old hurts, anger and resentment so she can be FREE to live her life, make decisions for herself and be happy.</p><p></p><p>I too must seem callous, but even in front of the counselor yesterday I said, "difficult child couldn't possibly remember what we were like together as she was only 18 months old when we separated. And, if seems to me that she's fixated on what she fantasizes what our family would have been. And I think easy child made a choice to accept her relationship with her father as is and get on with HER life." I just think about my life growing up and how totally dysfunctional it was - but at some point you stop dwelling on it and make a decision to make your own life. I know those types of choices come with maturity and life experience, but I still cannot get over this - that difficult child is still whining about something that happened so long ago when she was so young and since then her life has been so great in so many ways. She's enjoying the wallowing and that just irks me to no end.</p><p></p><p>Should I call the counselor and maybe have a chat with her? Or should I wait to voice my concerns and thoughts next week in our next session?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 58371, member: 2211"] Well, thank you everyone for your responses - each and everyone of you made great points - thoughts, in fact, that I've been mulling over in my own head. difficult child had a cognitive therapist and once the therapist got difficult child on the right track, difficult child refused to see the therapist again. She doesn't WANT things to get better it seems. It SEEMS as if she enjoys being stuck in the mud. As long as she has this great excuse to be stuck and miserable, she is resistent to move or change her behavior or patterns of thinking about everything else. It's easier for her in the short term, but in the long term I fear her life with be mired in turmoil and grief. I am wanting to speak with the counselor and make sure she knows that I don't want to waste another 3 years in counseling so difficult child can reinforce her skewed ideas about what exh and I would have been like had we never divorced! I want this counselor to act as more of a life coach for difficult child - teach her how to cope better, let go of old hurts, anger and resentment so she can be FREE to live her life, make decisions for herself and be happy. I too must seem callous, but even in front of the counselor yesterday I said, "difficult child couldn't possibly remember what we were like together as she was only 18 months old when we separated. And, if seems to me that she's fixated on what she fantasizes what our family would have been. And I think easy child made a choice to accept her relationship with her father as is and get on with HER life." I just think about my life growing up and how totally dysfunctional it was - but at some point you stop dwelling on it and make a decision to make your own life. I know those types of choices come with maturity and life experience, but I still cannot get over this - that difficult child is still whining about something that happened so long ago when she was so young and since then her life has been so great in so many ways. She's enjoying the wallowing and that just irks me to no end. Should I call the counselor and maybe have a chat with her? Or should I wait to voice my concerns and thoughts next week in our next session? [/QUOTE]
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Sick of difficult child using divorce as her excuse...still!
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