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Sick of difficult child using divorce as her excuse...still!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 58532" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Jo, I fully agree with you. You said exactly what I would have said - "I don't have to explain to you, but I will - I made the choices I made, they are my choices and I had my reasons, which included your welfare. Don't criticise what you can't possible understand - yet, Hopefully, thanks to my choices, you won't have to go through what I have."</p><p></p><p>As for contacting the therapist - if what you said didn't make any difference, then calling between sessions certainly won't help, it would only make thigns worse. And if the therapist still hasn't quite "got it", you can always have tat talk after the next session.</p><p></p><p>Give difficult child a chance to get to like this therapist, before she discovers she might have to actually change her way of thinking. If this new therapist HAS understood, then difficult child will immediately refuse this one too, for some spurious reason, before she has a chance to say, "I like her," while still feeling 'safe' from having to take personal responsibility.</p><p></p><p>I know this is going to sound naive, but why does it make any difference if she refuses to cooperate with the therapist? Can't you insist? She's not my kid so I don't know how things are - my kids may simply be more cooperative about this - but with a few things, we've laid down the law with our kids - "Do what we say, or leave." Of course we do listen and support, but if we REALLY want them to stick at something and they say they refuse, we have in the past given them the ultimatum - "If you quit that course/refuse to help with chores you will not be housed or fed here."</p><p>When they finished school we gave them another ultimatum - "either study, or get a job." A volunteer job was permissible and part-time study also. The course really didn't matter - easy child 2/difficult child 2 studied French.</p><p></p><p>Of course, some kids simply won't respond to something like this - my best friend has a daughter who I know would never have stood for this (pity, she's definitely difficult child although her mother can't see it). I love my friend to bits and her daughter too (who is almost 30) but you can never tell this girl anything. I stopped trying years ago.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. I hope things work out for her this time.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 58532, member: 1991"] Jo, I fully agree with you. You said exactly what I would have said - "I don't have to explain to you, but I will - I made the choices I made, they are my choices and I had my reasons, which included your welfare. Don't criticise what you can't possible understand - yet, Hopefully, thanks to my choices, you won't have to go through what I have." As for contacting the therapist - if what you said didn't make any difference, then calling between sessions certainly won't help, it would only make thigns worse. And if the therapist still hasn't quite "got it", you can always have tat talk after the next session. Give difficult child a chance to get to like this therapist, before she discovers she might have to actually change her way of thinking. If this new therapist HAS understood, then difficult child will immediately refuse this one too, for some spurious reason, before she has a chance to say, "I like her," while still feeling 'safe' from having to take personal responsibility. I know this is going to sound naive, but why does it make any difference if she refuses to cooperate with the therapist? Can't you insist? She's not my kid so I don't know how things are - my kids may simply be more cooperative about this - but with a few things, we've laid down the law with our kids - "Do what we say, or leave." Of course we do listen and support, but if we REALLY want them to stick at something and they say they refuse, we have in the past given them the ultimatum - "If you quit that course/refuse to help with chores you will not be housed or fed here." When they finished school we gave them another ultimatum - "either study, or get a job." A volunteer job was permissible and part-time study also. The course really didn't matter - easy child 2/difficult child 2 studied French. Of course, some kids simply won't respond to something like this - my best friend has a daughter who I know would never have stood for this (pity, she's definitely difficult child although her mother can't see it). I love my friend to bits and her daughter too (who is almost 30) but you can never tell this girl anything. I stopped trying years ago. Good luck. I hope things work out for her this time. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Sick of difficult child using divorce as her excuse...still!
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