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Substance Abuse
single mom at a loss with my 17 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 464111" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have a 27 year old daughter who used drugs from 12-19. Yes, 12. I will tell you some of what she has told me because she has since quit, but she is wise in the ways of drug use and I think, since she quit on her own with no rehab or even counseling, she is also wise about what parents can do about it, especially when they get in their upper teens.</p><p></p><p>First of all, never assume your child is only smoking pot. My daughter suddenly couldn't wake up either and wanted to sleep all day (she stayed up all night, even if only in her room). She was doing drugs (more than pot, although we thought it was only pot) while we were sleeping, the safest time not to get caught. Pot does not cause kids to be violent, but other drugs do. Your son assaulted you, probably due to some drugs in or going out of his system. I personally would have called the cops. I don't think it's good to enable your child when he hurts people...if he does that to somebody else he WILL end up in jail. In all of my daughter's years of taking drugs, she did not assault us, just did stuff like put her arm through a window...that wasn't fun either.</p><p></p><p> Once we knew what she was doing, we cut off her money supply and only gave her bare essentials. She got a job and kept it, even as she used drugs, but having that job and not having us give her money was helpful to her. It made it much harder to pay for drugs and she hated to part with money SHE earned. Yes, she also graduated from high school and went onto a two year school to become a cosmetologist. Later, she went back to school again.</p><p></p><p>If your son is using drugs, I would not help him go to college or play football. I know that sounds harsh, but if he's caught high, they'll only kick him off the team anyway. They have very strict standards for their athletes. And he probably won't be able to keep his grades up. On top of that, if he goes AWAY to college, there are more drugs and alcohol there ALL the time. My daughter had no choice about going away to school. It just wasn't going to happen because we felt it would only make things worse. He isn't going to suddenly get a clue in a college dorm where there is no supervision at all..and he's going on your dime. If he wants college, in my opinion make him pay for it himself. The harder he has to work, the less time he has to party and take drugs.</p><p></p><p>My daughter was kicked out at eighteen because we came home one day and found her having a drug party in our living room. We had been out of town and came home a day early. She had promised she was now clean and would stay home to take care of the pets. (Haha). She WAS able to talk her big brother into taking her in. He is a straight arrow and only agreed to do it if she followed all of his rules, which were very strict, indeed stricter than ours. He made her do chores, walk to work (she had to pay rent and did not have a car), and she wasn't even allowed to smoke a cigarette in his house. Because she knew it was her last chance, she listened to him and got clean really fast, got a job, met a really nice young man who is drug free, and now has a new career and her own house with her boyfriend of eight years. Her advice to parents of drug users is to use tough love. She feels that it gave her the motivation to quit. She tells me that if we had made it easy on her, she may not have seen how badly she was self-destructing. Her brother forced her to be productive and (this was a lucky break) since he lived in another state, she left her old "friends" behind too. In fact it took her a while to make new friends. She was lonely a lot at first because everyone she had known was a druggie and she wasn't sure how to have friends and be clean with them. But that all worked out.</p><p></p><p>Today, she doesn't even smoke cigarettes. She is a pastry chef and is into natural foods and herbs and it's hard to even get her to take an aspirin. </p><p></p><p>Bottom line: Your son is almost eighteen. There is nothing you can do to make him stop using drugs if he doesn't want to. But you don't have to make life cozy for him while he self-destructs. I think you may get some good advice by going to a Narc-Anon or Al-Anon meeting (they are the same concept). Does your son drink a lot too? </p><p></p><p>At any rate, that's my bit of advice, or rather my daughter's. We all want the best for our kids, but they have to do their fair share too. It turned out my daughter was using meth. We had no idea. We thought it was just pot. If she hadn't quit, she could have died or ended up in jail. You really don't know how deeply your son is into drugs. They will usually admit to pot, but not anything else, yet they often combine it with other stuff. And if they use, they sell. Another word of wisdom from Daughter. If you use drugs, you sell them too. Has he stolen any money from you? </p><p></p><p>(((Hugs))) and good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 464111, member: 1550"] I have a 27 year old daughter who used drugs from 12-19. Yes, 12. I will tell you some of what she has told me because she has since quit, but she is wise in the ways of drug use and I think, since she quit on her own with no rehab or even counseling, she is also wise about what parents can do about it, especially when they get in their upper teens. First of all, never assume your child is only smoking pot. My daughter suddenly couldn't wake up either and wanted to sleep all day (she stayed up all night, even if only in her room). She was doing drugs (more than pot, although we thought it was only pot) while we were sleeping, the safest time not to get caught. Pot does not cause kids to be violent, but other drugs do. Your son assaulted you, probably due to some drugs in or going out of his system. I personally would have called the cops. I don't think it's good to enable your child when he hurts people...if he does that to somebody else he WILL end up in jail. In all of my daughter's years of taking drugs, she did not assault us, just did stuff like put her arm through a window...that wasn't fun either. Once we knew what she was doing, we cut off her money supply and only gave her bare essentials. She got a job and kept it, even as she used drugs, but having that job and not having us give her money was helpful to her. It made it much harder to pay for drugs and she hated to part with money SHE earned. Yes, she also graduated from high school and went onto a two year school to become a cosmetologist. Later, she went back to school again. If your son is using drugs, I would not help him go to college or play football. I know that sounds harsh, but if he's caught high, they'll only kick him off the team anyway. They have very strict standards for their athletes. And he probably won't be able to keep his grades up. On top of that, if he goes AWAY to college, there are more drugs and alcohol there ALL the time. My daughter had no choice about going away to school. It just wasn't going to happen because we felt it would only make things worse. He isn't going to suddenly get a clue in a college dorm where there is no supervision at all..and he's going on your dime. If he wants college, in my opinion make him pay for it himself. The harder he has to work, the less time he has to party and take drugs. My daughter was kicked out at eighteen because we came home one day and found her having a drug party in our living room. We had been out of town and came home a day early. She had promised she was now clean and would stay home to take care of the pets. (Haha). She WAS able to talk her big brother into taking her in. He is a straight arrow and only agreed to do it if she followed all of his rules, which were very strict, indeed stricter than ours. He made her do chores, walk to work (she had to pay rent and did not have a car), and she wasn't even allowed to smoke a cigarette in his house. Because she knew it was her last chance, she listened to him and got clean really fast, got a job, met a really nice young man who is drug free, and now has a new career and her own house with her boyfriend of eight years. Her advice to parents of drug users is to use tough love. She feels that it gave her the motivation to quit. She tells me that if we had made it easy on her, she may not have seen how badly she was self-destructing. Her brother forced her to be productive and (this was a lucky break) since he lived in another state, she left her old "friends" behind too. In fact it took her a while to make new friends. She was lonely a lot at first because everyone she had known was a druggie and she wasn't sure how to have friends and be clean with them. But that all worked out. Today, she doesn't even smoke cigarettes. She is a pastry chef and is into natural foods and herbs and it's hard to even get her to take an aspirin. Bottom line: Your son is almost eighteen. There is nothing you can do to make him stop using drugs if he doesn't want to. But you don't have to make life cozy for him while he self-destructs. I think you may get some good advice by going to a Narc-Anon or Al-Anon meeting (they are the same concept). Does your son drink a lot too? At any rate, that's my bit of advice, or rather my daughter's. We all want the best for our kids, but they have to do their fair share too. It turned out my daughter was using meth. We had no idea. We thought it was just pot. If she hadn't quit, she could have died or ended up in jail. You really don't know how deeply your son is into drugs. They will usually admit to pot, but not anything else, yet they often combine it with other stuff. And if they use, they sell. Another word of wisdom from Daughter. If you use drugs, you sell them too. Has he stolen any money from you? (((Hugs))) and good luck. [/QUOTE]
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