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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665708" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Well, Cedar. For a few seconds <em>I felt ashamed</em> that I had given you that information.</p><p></p><p>And then I said, wait a minute, here.</p><p></p><p>First, by providing the info we did only what a friend would do. Neutrally provide information. Your son is free to disregard or use, as he decides.</p><p></p><p>Second, it does not take 50k to set up in business. He is in business already. The cost to get a license will be around couple hundred dollars including the fees and materials.</p><p></p><p>If he chooses to not pursue it, it is on him. Having a license will not increase his current business expenses. Your son knows that. M wanted to get a license. He has minus zero in funds.</p><p></p><p>Third, what happened with the info is your son was busted. He was using as an excuse (to himself) the cost of the course.</p><p></p><p>Fourth, I believe your son sometime down the road, will decide to get his license, and will avail himself of the information.</p><p></p><p>Fifth, there was learning in this exchange for both of you. You laid out beautifully the learning for you. For your son, I bet he was absolutely floored by your apology; your willingness to see your part, and to empower him; your willingness to cede to him; to honor him, his feelings and competence. His knowing for himself.</p><p></p><p>Sixth, you did nothing wrong by providing the information. Because by doing this neutral, helpful thing, it propelled the conversation between you powerfully, creating the opportunity for him to define himself and his limits...and for you to listen and to respond. This is a wonderful thing.</p><p></p><p>In this past week, this is what I have been trying to get across. Cedar, thank you for honoring me with your listening.</p><p></p><p>The disrespect and judgment I have held for my child, I really want to explore more....</p><p></p><p>Good job, Cedar.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665708, member: 18958"] Well, Cedar. For a few seconds [I]I felt ashamed[/I] that I had given you that information. And then I said, wait a minute, here. First, by providing the info we did only what a friend would do. Neutrally provide information. Your son is free to disregard or use, as he decides. Second, it does not take 50k to set up in business. He is in business already. The cost to get a license will be around couple hundred dollars including the fees and materials. If he chooses to not pursue it, it is on him. Having a license will not increase his current business expenses. Your son knows that. M wanted to get a license. He has minus zero in funds. Third, what happened with the info is your son was busted. He was using as an excuse (to himself) the cost of the course. Fourth, I believe your son sometime down the road, will decide to get his license, and will avail himself of the information. Fifth, there was learning in this exchange for both of you. You laid out beautifully the learning for you. For your son, I bet he was absolutely floored by your apology; your willingness to see your part, and to empower him; your willingness to cede to him; to honor him, his feelings and competence. His knowing for himself. Sixth, you did nothing wrong by providing the information. Because by doing this neutral, helpful thing, it propelled the conversation between you powerfully, creating the opportunity for him to define himself and his limits...and for you to listen and to respond. This is a wonderful thing. In this past week, this is what I have been trying to get across. Cedar, thank you for honoring me with your listening. The disrespect and judgment I have held for my child, I really want to explore more.... Good job, Cedar. [/QUOTE]
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