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Parent Emeritus
Sitting here alone and heart broken
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 689309" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You answered your own question, Hon. She is like her father. Borderline can be inherited. You did nothing wrong. She has a serious personality disorder. The very newest research on borderline points strongly to heredity. Yes, psychiatric problems were once wrongly thought to be 100% environmental. How we learn. The latest research points to strong hereditary factors. In all psychiatric disorders. Some people are even more prone to develop post traumatic stress disorder after trauma than others who live the same trauma. As for the % that is from environmental, there is far more than you in her life.</p><p></p><p>Disturbed adult children love to blame us. We don't have to listen though. Don't engage her. Don't answer your phone. Put it in a drawer if you must. Don't open your door. Or talk but hang up if she starts the abuse. And don't answer again for three days. Borderlines often lack strong empathy. It is part of the disorder. That's why she doesn't get it.</p><p></p><p>As for your friends, her behavior is not on your shoulders. She is not 10 years old. She is an adult. She owns her life. You only own yours. We all make mistakes in parenting, including your friends. You are a good person who deserves to have friends. Friends don't have to share everything. If you don't feel safe or comfortable talking about daughter then say, "I would rather talk about something else" and if they ask why "Id rather not say right now." Trust me. They will get it.</p><p></p><p>Be nice to yourself. You did your best with a very difficult, differently wired kid. And you're still standing.</p><p></p><p>You are a champ.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 689309, member: 1550"] You answered your own question, Hon. She is like her father. Borderline can be inherited. You did nothing wrong. She has a serious personality disorder. The very newest research on borderline points strongly to heredity. Yes, psychiatric problems were once wrongly thought to be 100% environmental. How we learn. The latest research points to strong hereditary factors. In all psychiatric disorders. Some people are even more prone to develop post traumatic stress disorder after trauma than others who live the same trauma. As for the % that is from environmental, there is far more than you in her life. Disturbed adult children love to blame us. We don't have to listen though. Don't engage her. Don't answer your phone. Put it in a drawer if you must. Don't open your door. Or talk but hang up if she starts the abuse. And don't answer again for three days. Borderlines often lack strong empathy. It is part of the disorder. That's why she doesn't get it. As for your friends, her behavior is not on your shoulders. She is not 10 years old. She is an adult. She owns her life. You only own yours. We all make mistakes in parenting, including your friends. You are a good person who deserves to have friends. Friends don't have to share everything. If you don't feel safe or comfortable talking about daughter then say, "I would rather talk about something else" and if they ask why "Id rather not say right now." Trust me. They will get it. Be nice to yourself. You did your best with a very difficult, differently wired kid. And you're still standing. You are a champ. [/QUOTE]
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