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Parent Emeritus
Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 620130" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The light will be when you finally do detach and accept that you can't change your son. He may never change. I know my son, who is already 36, is not really going to try to change much. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with the way he acts. It is my fault when he gets mad. Never in 36 years has he taken responsibility for the sometimes heinous things he has said and, at times, done. But I'm good with this now. I'm not good as in I'm glad about it. I'm good with it as in, I know what he is like, he isn't going to change, and I can't spend my life worrying about his adult choices and inability to see the changes he must make.</p><p></p><p>Your son is who he is. Will he change? It's 100% up to him. You don't owe anyone his age a dime. What would be a great change would be if you and your husband decided to focus on yourselves now that you are done raising children. Also, you can focus on your hobbies, activities you always liked to do, your happiness, your peace of mind, your own life. THAT you can change. It takes time and usually therapy, but eventually, with wayward adult children who never take responsibility and do "bad" things, we get weary of their behavior, accept it even if we don't like it, and move on.</p><p></p><p>By the way, not giving your 32 year old son is not pretending he is an orphan. At his age, he shouldn't need money from you. By cutting off the bank (yourselves) you are just acknowledging that he is an adult who needs to take care of his own monetary issues. That does not mean you disowned him.Most parents, except codependents like us, don't give their kids money for plane tickets to see girlfriends or money for a carton of cigarettes and beer...most parents say "Um, no. YOU buy your own stuff." And most adult children don't expect to be financially supported at your son's age.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace and eventual happiness with your decision to detach. Lots of gentle hugs. I know how much your heart is hurting now...it does get better as WE get better <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 620130, member: 1550"] The light will be when you finally do detach and accept that you can't change your son. He may never change. I know my son, who is already 36, is not really going to try to change much. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with the way he acts. It is my fault when he gets mad. Never in 36 years has he taken responsibility for the sometimes heinous things he has said and, at times, done. But I'm good with this now. I'm not good as in I'm glad about it. I'm good with it as in, I know what he is like, he isn't going to change, and I can't spend my life worrying about his adult choices and inability to see the changes he must make. Your son is who he is. Will he change? It's 100% up to him. You don't owe anyone his age a dime. What would be a great change would be if you and your husband decided to focus on yourselves now that you are done raising children. Also, you can focus on your hobbies, activities you always liked to do, your happiness, your peace of mind, your own life. THAT you can change. It takes time and usually therapy, but eventually, with wayward adult children who never take responsibility and do "bad" things, we get weary of their behavior, accept it even if we don't like it, and move on. By the way, not giving your 32 year old son is not pretending he is an orphan. At his age, he shouldn't need money from you. By cutting off the bank (yourselves) you are just acknowledging that he is an adult who needs to take care of his own monetary issues. That does not mean you disowned him.Most parents, except codependents like us, don't give their kids money for plane tickets to see girlfriends or money for a carton of cigarettes and beer...most parents say "Um, no. YOU buy your own stuff." And most adult children don't expect to be financially supported at your son's age. Wishing you peace and eventual happiness with your decision to detach. Lots of gentle hugs. I know how much your heart is hurting now...it does get better as WE get better :) [/QUOTE]
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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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