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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620146" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Strength, what you are doing right now, every minute of every hour of every day...is working toward a new normal. It doesn't feel good right now. In fact, it feels downright uncomfortable and just NOT RIGHT. </p><p></p><p>And then, when we are spiraling off with some kind of action to take---making it clear one more time, saying no, checking in with them---a flash of insight happens: <strong>32yo people already know about emergency rooms</strong>. And we stop. </p><p></p><p>That is progress. That is progress of a real and tangible kind, and that is the kind of building block that will take us to the next flash of insight. And pretty soon, we are living this insight, and only have flashes of...yes, let's call it what it is...insanity. </p><p></p><p>Because it is truly insanity when we are trying to fix, control, manage, set straight, save, help...and even guide and direct...people who are full grown adults. </p><p></p><p>I want to get to this point: </p><p></p><p>My son: Mom, where AM I going to live? I have nowhere to go. What am I going to do? It's so cold outside. I don't even have a phone or anything so I can't call and look for even a place to live. Or anything.....</p><p></p><p>Me (smiling gently, pausing for a minute or two, almost absently): Hmmmm...honey, I'm sure you'll figure it out. </p><p></p><p>My son: What???? That's b___s___!!!! I don't know what you expect me to do!!! I just got out of jail. What am I supposed to do? It's freezing cold outside. I don't have a g__d____ thing. If I hadn't gone to that stupid rehab that you made me go to, I'd...blah blah blah.</p><p></p><p>Me (waiting patiently until the tirade subsides, still smiling gently, pausing, even patting him on the shoulder as I leave the restaurant we have met in): Well, I'm going to go now. I'm sure you'll figure it out honey. Call me when you're settled, and we'll see about getting together for dinner one night. I love you.</p><p></p><p>And walking out of the McDonald's restaurant, getting in the car and driving away.</p><p></p><p>Meet in a neutral location and always have a way to escape. I heard that bit of wisdom in an Al-Anon meeting one night. </p><p></p><p>Maybe, maybe I can do that because i have made a plan, just like you have strength, already. </p><p></p><p>I'm sure he will throw some curve balls at me---he always does---and I stop, my brain says: Well, that is new information I hadn't considered. Does that change this? Maybe it does...(if it's a bad moment or day). Maybe he IS trying to change...blah blah. He can do that to me in a New York minute! I have to learn, I HAVE to learn---that when the curve balls coming firing in, one after another after another, after he sees me falter, have a weak look on my face and stop---I HAVE to learn---if I can't recover in a minute and I start to feel that sick feeling in my stomach (that is fear), and I'm getting more and more confused about what he has said, I HAVE to learn to say and do this: Well, let's pause and continue this conversation later. </p><p></p><p>And then have a way to escape.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing that is an emergency that I need to react to. Why? Because i have given him a list of shelters and halfway houses, a little bit of money for phone calls, some clothing, a bottle of water and two protein bars, a coat, gloves, shoes, socks etc. I have bought him a horrible McRib sandwich, a Dr. Pepper and some french fries (he loves those horrible McRib things and DP), so his belly is full. There is nothing I need to do right now. No matter what he says.</p><p></p><p>Oh, Strength, thank you for helping me practice. You and husband are being wise. Waiting for 48 hours. Write that down, paste it on your refrigerator and on your bathroom mirror. When you start to feel weak and needing to do SOMETHING, run quick and stand in front of the mirror or the refrigerator. Read it over and over again. Then say the Serenity Prayer over and over again until the moments pass and you have regained your equilibrium.</p><p></p><p>You KNOW what to do. I KNOW what to do. Relying on God's power (not mine, not mine) and the tools we have at our disposal, we can do this hard, hard thing we must do to save ourselves and possibly, in the process, they will save themselves.</p><p></p><p>Blessings and peace and prayers for you and husband today. Keep the faith!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620146, member: 17542"] Strength, what you are doing right now, every minute of every hour of every day...is working toward a new normal. It doesn't feel good right now. In fact, it feels downright uncomfortable and just NOT RIGHT. And then, when we are spiraling off with some kind of action to take---making it clear one more time, saying no, checking in with them---a flash of insight happens: [B]32yo people already know about emergency rooms[/B]. And we stop. That is progress. That is progress of a real and tangible kind, and that is the kind of building block that will take us to the next flash of insight. And pretty soon, we are living this insight, and only have flashes of...yes, let's call it what it is...insanity. Because it is truly insanity when we are trying to fix, control, manage, set straight, save, help...and even guide and direct...people who are full grown adults. I want to get to this point: My son: Mom, where AM I going to live? I have nowhere to go. What am I going to do? It's so cold outside. I don't even have a phone or anything so I can't call and look for even a place to live. Or anything..... Me (smiling gently, pausing for a minute or two, almost absently): Hmmmm...honey, I'm sure you'll figure it out. My son: What???? That's b___s___!!!! I don't know what you expect me to do!!! I just got out of jail. What am I supposed to do? It's freezing cold outside. I don't have a g__d____ thing. If I hadn't gone to that stupid rehab that you made me go to, I'd...blah blah blah. Me (waiting patiently until the tirade subsides, still smiling gently, pausing, even patting him on the shoulder as I leave the restaurant we have met in): Well, I'm going to go now. I'm sure you'll figure it out honey. Call me when you're settled, and we'll see about getting together for dinner one night. I love you. And walking out of the McDonald's restaurant, getting in the car and driving away. Meet in a neutral location and always have a way to escape. I heard that bit of wisdom in an Al-Anon meeting one night. Maybe, maybe I can do that because i have made a plan, just like you have strength, already. I'm sure he will throw some curve balls at me---he always does---and I stop, my brain says: Well, that is new information I hadn't considered. Does that change this? Maybe it does...(if it's a bad moment or day). Maybe he IS trying to change...blah blah. He can do that to me in a New York minute! I have to learn, I HAVE to learn---that when the curve balls coming firing in, one after another after another, after he sees me falter, have a weak look on my face and stop---I HAVE to learn---if I can't recover in a minute and I start to feel that sick feeling in my stomach (that is fear), and I'm getting more and more confused about what he has said, I HAVE to learn to say and do this: Well, let's pause and continue this conversation later. And then have a way to escape. There is nothing that is an emergency that I need to react to. Why? Because i have given him a list of shelters and halfway houses, a little bit of money for phone calls, some clothing, a bottle of water and two protein bars, a coat, gloves, shoes, socks etc. I have bought him a horrible McRib sandwich, a Dr. Pepper and some french fries (he loves those horrible McRib things and DP), so his belly is full. There is nothing I need to do right now. No matter what he says. Oh, Strength, thank you for helping me practice. You and husband are being wise. Waiting for 48 hours. Write that down, paste it on your refrigerator and on your bathroom mirror. When you start to feel weak and needing to do SOMETHING, run quick and stand in front of the mirror or the refrigerator. Read it over and over again. Then say the Serenity Prayer over and over again until the moments pass and you have regained your equilibrium. You KNOW what to do. I KNOW what to do. Relying on God's power (not mine, not mine) and the tools we have at our disposal, we can do this hard, hard thing we must do to save ourselves and possibly, in the process, they will save themselves. Blessings and peace and prayers for you and husband today. Keep the faith! [/QUOTE]
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