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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620178" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SS, your signature is what appears at the bottom of the post. Once you write it, remember to click on the save button at the bottom of that page. Try that and if it doesn't work, let me know.</p><p></p><p>Everyone has offered you wise words of wisdom. We have all been where you are SS. Sadly for me and some of us, the issues with our difficult child's don't change, so <strong>we </strong>have to change. MWM posted something recently which is for the most part true, once our kids are over the age of 30, the percentage of those who actually change is limited. That is not to say there isn't hope, but the odds are now against us. </p><p></p><p>One of the things that happened to me was hope really died. Oddly after that happened, I felt better. I know that sounds weird, but I think sometimes that hope just keeps us in that hamster wheel.........gives us more ammunition to keep offering help. At least for me, the end of hope brought in acceptance of what is. It's a fine line to negotiate.</p><p></p><p>This T.S. Elliot quote summed it up for me:</p><p></p><p>I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope</p><p>For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,</p><p>For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith</p><p>But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.</p><p>Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:</p><p>So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.</p><p></p><p>And SS, recovering from enabling our kids seems to me much like an addiction........we are addicted to helping our kids, we are now in recovery, we have relapses, we go back and forth until the drug, the relentless focus on another, subsides, and we are no longer helplessly driven by it. Just like in addiction, it takes time for our brains to settle down and build new neuropathways. We have to take that focus off of them and put it onto <strong>US</strong>, where it belongs. It's a practice. Like meditation. There is no right or wrong way. As my therapist used to always say, "we get there when we get there." That helped me to stop beating myself up about it. This is very hard. That's why being especially kind and nurturing to ourselves is very important. And, finding joy and gratitude for the rest of our lives.............hang in there..............it gets better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620178, member: 13542"] SS, your signature is what appears at the bottom of the post. Once you write it, remember to click on the save button at the bottom of that page. Try that and if it doesn't work, let me know. Everyone has offered you wise words of wisdom. We have all been where you are SS. Sadly for me and some of us, the issues with our difficult child's don't change, so [B]we [/B]have to change. MWM posted something recently which is for the most part true, once our kids are over the age of 30, the percentage of those who actually change is limited. That is not to say there isn't hope, but the odds are now against us. One of the things that happened to me was hope really died. Oddly after that happened, I felt better. I know that sounds weird, but I think sometimes that hope just keeps us in that hamster wheel.........gives us more ammunition to keep offering help. At least for me, the end of hope brought in acceptance of what is. It's a fine line to negotiate. This T.S. Elliot quote summed it up for me: I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. And SS, recovering from enabling our kids seems to me much like an addiction........we are addicted to helping our kids, we are now in recovery, we have relapses, we go back and forth until the drug, the relentless focus on another, subsides, and we are no longer helplessly driven by it. Just like in addiction, it takes time for our brains to settle down and build new neuropathways. We have to take that focus off of them and put it onto [B]US[/B], where it belongs. It's a practice. Like meditation. There is no right or wrong way. As my therapist used to always say, "we get there when we get there." That helped me to stop beating myself up about it. This is very hard. That's why being especially kind and nurturing to ourselves is very important. And, finding joy and gratitude for the rest of our lives.............hang in there..............it gets better. [/QUOTE]
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Situation with gfg32 has gone "beserkier"
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