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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 155908"><p>I've been mulling over the stress aspect. There have been times in my life where I can say I've probably had much more stress, but at least then I felt like I had some kind of control over my life. I feel like I have none now.</p><p></p><p>There is something to the saying, 'at least you have your health'. I'm not dying, but my health issues are definitely incapacitating. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I were dying. I know that sounds sick and morbid and probably really pathetic, but imagining living this way for the rest of my life is just too much sometimes. And I have been thinking about that lately. I've had a lot of dreams where I lose my job, or go to work and can't remember what I'm supposed to do, or something terrible happens and I have to leave. I've dreamt a few times of having my children taken from me. And I've dreamt several times of being suddenly misplaced and in another house and trying to find my way back, but I can't get back because someone else is living my life. My nights - nearly every night - are full of these dreams...one right after another.</p><p></p><p>Not knowing from one day to the next what my level of functioning will be, not being able to provide for my family, not being able to do all that a mom 'should' be able to do...it's all getting to me. </p><p></p><p>At least when difficult child was spiraling and I was so sick with undx'd heart disease, I didn't dream. I'd go months and months without dreaming. I could use a little of that now.</p><p></p><p>Ok. That part's over.</p><p></p><p>Heather and Lisa - we need to figure out when we can get together. Let's work on that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 155908"] I've been mulling over the stress aspect. There have been times in my life where I can say I've probably had much more stress, but at least then I felt like I had some kind of control over my life. I feel like I have none now. There is something to the saying, 'at least you have your health'. I'm not dying, but my health issues are definitely incapacitating. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I were dying. I know that sounds sick and morbid and probably really pathetic, but imagining living this way for the rest of my life is just too much sometimes. And I have been thinking about that lately. I've had a lot of dreams where I lose my job, or go to work and can't remember what I'm supposed to do, or something terrible happens and I have to leave. I've dreamt a few times of having my children taken from me. And I've dreamt several times of being suddenly misplaced and in another house and trying to find my way back, but I can't get back because someone else is living my life. My nights - nearly every night - are full of these dreams...one right after another. Not knowing from one day to the next what my level of functioning will be, not being able to provide for my family, not being able to do all that a mom 'should' be able to do...it's all getting to me. At least when difficult child was spiraling and I was so sick with undx'd heart disease, I didn't dream. I'd go months and months without dreaming. I could use a little of that now. Ok. That part's over. Heather and Lisa - we need to figure out when we can get together. Let's work on that. [/QUOTE]
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