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sleeping with doors locked; difficult child left, wants to come home, Part II
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 166571" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Thanks all. HWGA, I printed out your words - I am going to memorize them. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">She stayed at her cousins last night and this morning I woke to an email from her asking if she could come home, how wrong she was to hit me, how sorry she was for her attitude, how she finally sees that our deteriorated relationship is due in large part to HER. I did not respond. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">I had to go to a work function ALL day today. When I arrived home at 4 she was here. Yikes! I spoke without thinking and asked, "What are you doing here?" and she said cousin dropped her off and I followed up with, "Well, where are you going to go now?" She mumbled something and left the room. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">My allergies are horrible and I haven't slept much these past two nights so I went to take a nap and told difficult child we'd talk when I woke up. So, later, after dinner (she didn't eat) I asked if she wanted to talk and she said she couldn't because it was obvious I didn't want her here and she's looking for a place to stay. I said ok and went to Petco with the puppy to get her a name tag (the silly things we do to run away!). </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">When I came back, and after a lengthy conversation with exh, difficult child and I sat at the table and I gave a short dissertation on how I love her, but...</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">It was good, I covered all the 'boohoohoo, poor me attitude that I am sick of and will not tolerate anymore from her. I reminded her of how good she's had it and how we've all worked hard to provide a good loving home in a nice area etc., about how she's had every opportunity that her sister had so stop making it seem to others that we favor one over the other, and other good stuff. I told her that much as I love her and would love for all of us to be able to live happily under the same room, I didn't think it was possible at this time. I told her that I'd have to see some efforts and results on her end before I would consider having her here. She went to another friend's house, she's hoping for a few nights. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Exh offered for her to go to his house, she declined. One thing that exh said to me that really made me stop and think. He said that difficult child seeing monkeyboy is really not and should not be a sticking point or a big issue for me. That if difficult child was working and/or going to school as we had hoped for, we probably wouldn't be so so terrible upset about monkeyboy. We'd still probably not love him to death, but he would not be one of the key issues. Exh ultimately said that the key issues are about difficult child making a life for herself, being thankful *if* she is living here for free, creating and working towards goals, etc. THOSE, he said, are the key issues - the monkeyboy stuff is secondary. It's been a long time since exh said anything that made sense to me. I actually said something similar to H last week, but when difficult child is flying off the handle, it's easy to hate monkeyboy because, well, because he's a drip. So, I am going to try and 'check' my feelings about monkeyboy and just focus on the REAL issues that I have with difficult child instead. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">So, for tonight, I can sleep with my bedroom door unlocked. Thanks all~</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 166571, member: 2211"] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Thanks all. HWGA, I printed out your words - I am going to memorize them. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]She stayed at her cousins last night and this morning I woke to an email from her asking if she could come home, how wrong she was to hit me, how sorry she was for her attitude, how she finally sees that our deteriorated relationship is due in large part to HER. I did not respond. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]I had to go to a work function ALL day today. When I arrived home at 4 she was here. Yikes! I spoke without thinking and asked, "What are you doing here?" and she said cousin dropped her off and I followed up with, "Well, where are you going to go now?" She mumbled something and left the room. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]My allergies are horrible and I haven't slept much these past two nights so I went to take a nap and told difficult child we'd talk when I woke up. So, later, after dinner (she didn't eat) I asked if she wanted to talk and she said she couldn't because it was obvious I didn't want her here and she's looking for a place to stay. I said ok and went to Petco with the puppy to get her a name tag (the silly things we do to run away!). [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]When I came back, and after a lengthy conversation with exh, difficult child and I sat at the table and I gave a short dissertation on how I love her, but...[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]It was good, I covered all the 'boohoohoo, poor me attitude that I am sick of and will not tolerate anymore from her. I reminded her of how good she's had it and how we've all worked hard to provide a good loving home in a nice area etc., about how she's had every opportunity that her sister had so stop making it seem to others that we favor one over the other, and other good stuff. I told her that much as I love her and would love for all of us to be able to live happily under the same room, I didn't think it was possible at this time. I told her that I'd have to see some efforts and results on her end before I would consider having her here. She went to another friend's house, she's hoping for a few nights. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Exh offered for her to go to his house, she declined. One thing that exh said to me that really made me stop and think. He said that difficult child seeing monkeyboy is really not and should not be a sticking point or a big issue for me. That if difficult child was working and/or going to school as we had hoped for, we probably wouldn't be so so terrible upset about monkeyboy. We'd still probably not love him to death, but he would not be one of the key issues. Exh ultimately said that the key issues are about difficult child making a life for herself, being thankful *if* she is living here for free, creating and working towards goals, etc. THOSE, he said, are the key issues - the monkeyboy stuff is secondary. It's been a long time since exh said anything that made sense to me. I actually said something similar to H last week, but when difficult child is flying off the handle, it's easy to hate monkeyboy because, well, because he's a drip. So, I am going to try and 'check' my feelings about monkeyboy and just focus on the REAL issues that I have with difficult child instead. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]So, for tonight, I can sleep with my bedroom door unlocked. Thanks all~[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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sleeping with doors locked; difficult child left, wants to come home, Part II
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