Hi Acacia,
I stumbled on this site a few years ago when Googling how to stop enabling. Like you, I knew our dynamics were not healthy.
After reading post after post after post, I shared what I read with husband. We were amazed at the commonalities of our stories. (Who knew?) We knew families with difficult children, but had no idea there were many folks out there experiencing being blamed/held responsible for everything by adult offspring who were making very poor decisions.
Acacia, I cried and cried - big tears. It felt so wrong to "desert" our son. I still was not quite understanding the harm we were doing him. husband had figured it out about a year before. Our son had said/done so many hateful things to us. He said a LOT more hateful things after we cut off the $$. And, a few years later, he turned to my parents and now they are enabling him. (My father wanted to stop months ago; my mother thinks it is God's will for her to continue. No reasoning with her about anything. I have tried.)
You will get much better advice from others. Heck, I may think of better advice when I am more awake. I can tell you this....husband and my lives have improved immensely since Difficult Child has stopped asking for money. The hateful texts/emails have dwindled to perhaps three a year. He knows there is no more money. We have ignored his mean words. No responses to anything.
Of course, we want things to be different. Our Difficult Child is almost 36. The ball is in his court.
The sooner you escape this abuse, the better you will feel. Because, honestly, it takes a while from the time you cut free until the abuse stops. And, abuse is exactly what it is.
Stay close. I will be watching for your updates.
Hugs,
SS
