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So angry at husband - vent
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 369308" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think mom2oddson is right on target. Call K and tell her how now that your husband has spent weeks helping build the outbuilding, and now will spend 6 weeks on the deck that it is only right for her and her husband to come and take care of the list of chores that you need husband to do. husband will be spending ALL of his energy, and likely a fair amount of $$ to take care of the injuries he will sustain while building a deck he is not in any shape to help with, so you need them to cover the medical bills and contribute at your home. That way everyone gets help and gets their stuff done.</p><p></p><p>Say if with an air of appreciation that they thought up the idea of husband helping K and her hubby in exchange for them helping husband get stuff done for you. Act as if it is the agreement and if they don't do it send them a bill for the doctor appts, medications, and whatever it will cost you per hour to hire a handyman to get the job done.</p><p></p><p>You really do NOT need friends like this. After the outbuilding when K's husband only gave 1.5 hours it should have been pretty clear that they are not looking to be true friends, but to take advantage. Maybe they think you are so much more "together" and "well off" than they are that it is OK to use you like this, but I highly doubt it. Unless you are OK with the inequity in the relationship then maybe it is time to move on. </p><p></p><p>My mom has a friend that she helps a LOT. This woman is her BFF and is supposed to be an aunt or another mom to me. My mom gives her $$, loans her $$, pays for her to come out to visit, buys her expensive gifts and gets truly cheap items as her gifts from this woman. This bff KNOWS that my mother uses NO scented bath/body products because my dad is incredibly allergic, but still sends cheap highly scented items at every single holiday. If my mom says a particular scent makes her sick, or is esp bad then you can be sure that the next gift occasion the item will be all wrapped up for her. My mom pays for ALL of their calls unless there is some tragedy in bff's life. My father used to call her son long distance (back in the 70s when it cost a fortune) to do his homework over the phone with him. For YEARS. We had an extremely tight budget but NEVER did they offer to help with the phone bill. NEVER. When I lived in OH I was just over an hour away. This bff who "loved me more than anything, just like her own child" would drive to visit a friend of her parents at least once a week. The friend lived less than 1 mile from me. NEVER EVER EVER did she come by to see us. In the 7 years we lived there she came to see us 3 times. Many times she scheduled a visit, I cooked and cleaned and rearranged schedules and took off work and she wouldn't even call to cancel. She STILL tells my mom she calls me every week but it has been 2 years since ANY of my phones have shown her number. I stopped calling her 2 years ago after she took advantage again. I had been up front with her, told her that if my calls were ignored I wouldn't call until she started calling me. She told my mom that I was "insolent" and "rude" and "mean". Whatever. </p><p></p><p>She has always taken the "you have so much more than me so it is okay for you to give me stuff and for me to do nothing in return" attitude. My mom seems okay with it. I am not. Just won't do it. If she cannot care enough to call me, when she BRAGS about her unlimited long distance calling plan, then I cannot care about her. ESP when she feels she has the right to "tattle" to my mother if I set a boundary. </p><p></p><p>I think your friend likely justifies taking advantage of you this way. Her offers of "help" are NOT designed to help you. They are designed to use you and make you look "bad" or "mean" if you object because she "ONLY" asked her husband to ask for help because YOU wanted your husband to do more. </p><p></p><p>Sorry if this seems too blunt or hard. You really do not need friends like this. Cause they are not friends. </p><p></p><p>As for your husband, have you ever just taken the mouse and keyboard? My husband reins in his usage because he knows that I won't feel bad at all if I have to lock them up. At this point a small reminder is all that I need to do when it gets out of hand. It did cause some royal battles earlier in our marriage, but at this point he understands.</p><p></p><p>Your husband is an addict. The computer games are his drug of choice. As long as you keep on keepin' on he is not likely to change. Maybe some al-anon meetings might help you get some perspective on this illness? If you keep doing what you have always done you are going to get what you have always gotten.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 369308, member: 1233"] I think mom2oddson is right on target. Call K and tell her how now that your husband has spent weeks helping build the outbuilding, and now will spend 6 weeks on the deck that it is only right for her and her husband to come and take care of the list of chores that you need husband to do. husband will be spending ALL of his energy, and likely a fair amount of $$ to take care of the injuries he will sustain while building a deck he is not in any shape to help with, so you need them to cover the medical bills and contribute at your home. That way everyone gets help and gets their stuff done. Say if with an air of appreciation that they thought up the idea of husband helping K and her hubby in exchange for them helping husband get stuff done for you. Act as if it is the agreement and if they don't do it send them a bill for the doctor appts, medications, and whatever it will cost you per hour to hire a handyman to get the job done. You really do NOT need friends like this. After the outbuilding when K's husband only gave 1.5 hours it should have been pretty clear that they are not looking to be true friends, but to take advantage. Maybe they think you are so much more "together" and "well off" than they are that it is OK to use you like this, but I highly doubt it. Unless you are OK with the inequity in the relationship then maybe it is time to move on. My mom has a friend that she helps a LOT. This woman is her BFF and is supposed to be an aunt or another mom to me. My mom gives her $$, loans her $$, pays for her to come out to visit, buys her expensive gifts and gets truly cheap items as her gifts from this woman. This bff KNOWS that my mother uses NO scented bath/body products because my dad is incredibly allergic, but still sends cheap highly scented items at every single holiday. If my mom says a particular scent makes her sick, or is esp bad then you can be sure that the next gift occasion the item will be all wrapped up for her. My mom pays for ALL of their calls unless there is some tragedy in bff's life. My father used to call her son long distance (back in the 70s when it cost a fortune) to do his homework over the phone with him. For YEARS. We had an extremely tight budget but NEVER did they offer to help with the phone bill. NEVER. When I lived in OH I was just over an hour away. This bff who "loved me more than anything, just like her own child" would drive to visit a friend of her parents at least once a week. The friend lived less than 1 mile from me. NEVER EVER EVER did she come by to see us. In the 7 years we lived there she came to see us 3 times. Many times she scheduled a visit, I cooked and cleaned and rearranged schedules and took off work and she wouldn't even call to cancel. She STILL tells my mom she calls me every week but it has been 2 years since ANY of my phones have shown her number. I stopped calling her 2 years ago after she took advantage again. I had been up front with her, told her that if my calls were ignored I wouldn't call until she started calling me. She told my mom that I was "insolent" and "rude" and "mean". Whatever. She has always taken the "you have so much more than me so it is okay for you to give me stuff and for me to do nothing in return" attitude. My mom seems okay with it. I am not. Just won't do it. If she cannot care enough to call me, when she BRAGS about her unlimited long distance calling plan, then I cannot care about her. ESP when she feels she has the right to "tattle" to my mother if I set a boundary. I think your friend likely justifies taking advantage of you this way. Her offers of "help" are NOT designed to help you. They are designed to use you and make you look "bad" or "mean" if you object because she "ONLY" asked her husband to ask for help because YOU wanted your husband to do more. Sorry if this seems too blunt or hard. You really do not need friends like this. Cause they are not friends. As for your husband, have you ever just taken the mouse and keyboard? My husband reins in his usage because he knows that I won't feel bad at all if I have to lock them up. At this point a small reminder is all that I need to do when it gets out of hand. It did cause some royal battles earlier in our marriage, but at this point he understands. Your husband is an addict. The computer games are his drug of choice. As long as you keep on keepin' on he is not likely to change. Maybe some al-anon meetings might help you get some perspective on this illness? If you keep doing what you have always done you are going to get what you have always gotten. [/QUOTE]
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