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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 603425" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I always feel guilty giving advice when I haven't walked in the shoes, Tammy. on the other hand I do believe with all my brain and my heart that he is a "player". IF he were still a teen it would be tolerable but, darn it, he is a legal adult who has his own family. in my humble opinion he trying to "turn it back on you" so he can justify his own poor choices. Low blow shot on the bipolar. Ugh!</p><p></p><p>I know your loving heart. He's going to keep trying to use it to his advantage because ??? he does not want to take ownership of his issues. Most of the CD family who have told their young adults to leave have/had kids who had no job, no income and needed a major wakeup call. Your son has a job that is either his to keep or to lose. He had three little children who want/need his support. He has no reason to be hungry except he is choosing to use his money to support his addictive lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>You have to decide what to do next but honestly I don't think you should be available to communicate with him as often as you are. How to heck is he going to take ownership of HIS choices if he has you to make the decisions for him? My situation is different than yours now but easy child/difficult child no longer calls or texts frequently. He is making his own choices. (I don't like his choices!) He is choosing his path based on what he evidently believes is best. Personally I don't think spending major bucks on pot is wise. Sigh! BUT...it is not my choice. His SO does not want him "close" to me (yes, I am a threat evidently) and he is adapting to her influence. I am not a happy camper. I absolutely know that my influence turns him toward higher goals. Your influence does the same thing. The problem is that after a decade plus of dependency the choices just have to be owned by our difficult child's. It's frightening but I believe it is very necessary. I am on your team, my friend. I hope your choice bring you peace because you, like me, deserve it. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 603425, member: 35"] I always feel guilty giving advice when I haven't walked in the shoes, Tammy. on the other hand I do believe with all my brain and my heart that he is a "player". IF he were still a teen it would be tolerable but, darn it, he is a legal adult who has his own family. in my humble opinion he trying to "turn it back on you" so he can justify his own poor choices. Low blow shot on the bipolar. Ugh! I know your loving heart. He's going to keep trying to use it to his advantage because ??? he does not want to take ownership of his issues. Most of the CD family who have told their young adults to leave have/had kids who had no job, no income and needed a major wakeup call. Your son has a job that is either his to keep or to lose. He had three little children who want/need his support. He has no reason to be hungry except he is choosing to use his money to support his addictive lifestyle. You have to decide what to do next but honestly I don't think you should be available to communicate with him as often as you are. How to heck is he going to take ownership of HIS choices if he has you to make the decisions for him? My situation is different than yours now but easy child/difficult child no longer calls or texts frequently. He is making his own choices. (I don't like his choices!) He is choosing his path based on what he evidently believes is best. Personally I don't think spending major bucks on pot is wise. Sigh! BUT...it is not my choice. His SO does not want him "close" to me (yes, I am a threat evidently) and he is adapting to her influence. I am not a happy camper. I absolutely know that my influence turns him toward higher goals. Your influence does the same thing. The problem is that after a decade plus of dependency the choices just have to be owned by our difficult child's. It's frightening but I believe it is very necessary. I am on your team, my friend. I hope your choice bring you peace because you, like me, deserve it. DDD [/QUOTE]
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