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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 206705" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>This has been life with my difficult child. He lies like he breathes .... about twelve times per minute! He lies about big things, he lies about small things, he lies about things that don't matter at all! He has always done this. And husband and I have to come up with courtroom-level chain of evidence proof of his lie before he will admit anything. Even then he'll just adjust the lie so it's a bit smaller. He gets outraged when we don't believe him. For years I thought he truly believed what he was saying, and somehow he must have a distorted perception of reality, he must be having some sort of psychosis. I've come to grips at last with the fact that he just lies like he breathes.</p><p></p><p>If you read Stanton Samenow's 'Before It's Too Late', he talks about this phenomenon and why it happens. Basically a child like this likes to be secretive, and putting something over on others makes him feel like he's 'won'. So even a lie about something that doesn't matter gives the child satisfaction in deceiving those around him. </p><p></p><p>I don't do the courtroom-quality evidence thing anymore. I just tell him 'I don't believe you'. He gets angry but he knows that if he rages at me I'll call the police and he'll sit in jail until his hearing for possession and paraphernalia. He can control himself when it's in his best interest. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner ... I've been replying to your other thread. I appreciate reading about your general family structure; and I would say, protect your younger kids who are at home, protect your marriage, and protect your own health. I made a big mistake for years in focusing so much on my difficult child that my other kids suffered. And my blindness to the real problem meant my kids suffered directly from difficult child's endless rages and violence. I would do things very differently if I had them to do again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 206705, member: 2884"] This has been life with my difficult child. He lies like he breathes .... about twelve times per minute! He lies about big things, he lies about small things, he lies about things that don't matter at all! He has always done this. And husband and I have to come up with courtroom-level chain of evidence proof of his lie before he will admit anything. Even then he'll just adjust the lie so it's a bit smaller. He gets outraged when we don't believe him. For years I thought he truly believed what he was saying, and somehow he must have a distorted perception of reality, he must be having some sort of psychosis. I've come to grips at last with the fact that he just lies like he breathes. If you read Stanton Samenow's 'Before It's Too Late', he talks about this phenomenon and why it happens. Basically a child like this likes to be secretive, and putting something over on others makes him feel like he's 'won'. So even a lie about something that doesn't matter gives the child satisfaction in deceiving those around him. I don't do the courtroom-quality evidence thing anymore. I just tell him 'I don't believe you'. He gets angry but he knows that if he rages at me I'll call the police and he'll sit in jail until his hearing for possession and paraphernalia. He can control himself when it's in his best interest. I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner ... I've been replying to your other thread. I appreciate reading about your general family structure; and I would say, protect your younger kids who are at home, protect your marriage, and protect your own health. I made a big mistake for years in focusing so much on my difficult child that my other kids suffered. And my blindness to the real problem meant my kids suffered directly from difficult child's endless rages and violence. I would do things very differently if I had them to do again. [/QUOTE]
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