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General Parenting
So, how do you know if you're dealing with a sociopath?
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 531953" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Buddy - I know what you mean about medications for depression, especially when there are other concerns going on. I did some reading on it and they can definitely make the aggression worse instead of better. I am going to discuss this with the therapist and get her take on things after her session with him this week. I hope he shows up for it. I am seeing her earlier that afternoon because I want to talk to her about that possibility as well as ask her how to handle things better when his girlfriend gets tired of him and kicks him out again. I don't think that husband and I handled things badly because we wanted to be clear from the get-go that we weren't going to tolerate that kind of behaviour, language or disrespect..... but if he is suffering mentally then maybe we need to approach things differently. </p><p></p><p>Giulia - I totally agree with you that I/we need to be very careful on how we approach him about depression. I tried to approach him on it once before in a very loving way - without any judgement and he was receptive to it but assured me that he didn't think he was depressed at all. He has gotten much worse since then so maybe if we can try again he might see it. I'm nervous about approaching him myself with this because he is so angry with me I don't know if it will matter how I bring it up. He is likely to see it as me looking for a way to blame the problems we are having on him and/or a condition I think he has instead of taking the blame on myself. I am at fault because I won't let him do whatever he wants.</p><p></p><p>Keista - to my knowledge he has done the bisexual girl thing and straight male. I did approach him at one time - when things were going ok and asked him about his sexuality and let him know that his dad and I loved him and we'd be ok with him whatever his path was. That said, I think he could realistically could feel like he should have definite concerns about that because of our religion and traditional lifestyle. Also, his father was kind of homophobic as many men are. He has mellowed a lot in that regard over the years but if difficult child were exploring his sexuality it might make him nervous. That said, my guess would be that he is straight. He said to me one time that he was straight but he felt boring amongst his friends because some of them are bisexual and some are gay. I thought it was an odd statement but I took it at face value - that he felt boring in a world of friends that all seem to have some kind of difficulty or something that made them 'different'. He comes from a traditional, 2-parent home, with a stay-at-home mom, has never wanted for anything, has had nice family vacations, camping, bike rides with the family, catch in the backyard, that kind of thing, has 2 sets of grandparents close by that are active in his life, no big crisis or anything like that in his life - pretty 'Leave it to Beaver' with some yelling on occasion and the odd spanking thrown in when he was little. </p><p></p><p>I do think he feels like his dad and I are coming between him and sex - especially because for a time we took his cell phone away and now we are not allowing him to sleep over at girlfriend's house. He does have his cell phone back and I'm monitoring his usage online so if the data gets out of control I will cut the cell phone off again and get him one that he can just use to text me with. According to girlfriend's dad she badgers him about everything from chores, to getting up to homework (he's not very motivated) so I see no reason for him to not be at home except for the sex. </p><p></p><p>And yes, the possibilities of drugs/alcohol that are not detected scare me. There is so much out there now that it is hard to keep up. </p><p></p><p>Liahona - I have talked one of his former friends parents and they haven't said much - just that they never see him anymore and they don't hang out with each other. I think I will call another friends mom tonight and see what she has to say about this. Thank you for that idea. </p><p></p><p>I ran into one of his current friends in the video store (he recognized the last name on my membership card) and he said he was very sorry for everything difficult child was putting us through and that he hoped difficult child would see the light and come home soon. He very obviously felt bad for me and what difficult child is putting us through. So, in one way his friends could be an influence and in another way it doesn't seem so. Given what his friend said in the video store and the amount of nagging he seems to be getting from his girlfriend it seems like they have some priorities, at least. </p><p></p><p>Sigh. I feel as lost in this as he is. And the therapy sometimes feels like it is going to take forever to get anywhere. I know that time will pass with or without therapy and we are definitely better off with it so I'm trying to be patient with the process.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 531953, member: 14356"] Buddy - I know what you mean about medications for depression, especially when there are other concerns going on. I did some reading on it and they can definitely make the aggression worse instead of better. I am going to discuss this with the therapist and get her take on things after her session with him this week. I hope he shows up for it. I am seeing her earlier that afternoon because I want to talk to her about that possibility as well as ask her how to handle things better when his girlfriend gets tired of him and kicks him out again. I don't think that husband and I handled things badly because we wanted to be clear from the get-go that we weren't going to tolerate that kind of behaviour, language or disrespect..... but if he is suffering mentally then maybe we need to approach things differently. Giulia - I totally agree with you that I/we need to be very careful on how we approach him about depression. I tried to approach him on it once before in a very loving way - without any judgement and he was receptive to it but assured me that he didn't think he was depressed at all. He has gotten much worse since then so maybe if we can try again he might see it. I'm nervous about approaching him myself with this because he is so angry with me I don't know if it will matter how I bring it up. He is likely to see it as me looking for a way to blame the problems we are having on him and/or a condition I think he has instead of taking the blame on myself. I am at fault because I won't let him do whatever he wants. Keista - to my knowledge he has done the bisexual girl thing and straight male. I did approach him at one time - when things were going ok and asked him about his sexuality and let him know that his dad and I loved him and we'd be ok with him whatever his path was. That said, I think he could realistically could feel like he should have definite concerns about that because of our religion and traditional lifestyle. Also, his father was kind of homophobic as many men are. He has mellowed a lot in that regard over the years but if difficult child were exploring his sexuality it might make him nervous. That said, my guess would be that he is straight. He said to me one time that he was straight but he felt boring amongst his friends because some of them are bisexual and some are gay. I thought it was an odd statement but I took it at face value - that he felt boring in a world of friends that all seem to have some kind of difficulty or something that made them 'different'. He comes from a traditional, 2-parent home, with a stay-at-home mom, has never wanted for anything, has had nice family vacations, camping, bike rides with the family, catch in the backyard, that kind of thing, has 2 sets of grandparents close by that are active in his life, no big crisis or anything like that in his life - pretty 'Leave it to Beaver' with some yelling on occasion and the odd spanking thrown in when he was little. I do think he feels like his dad and I are coming between him and sex - especially because for a time we took his cell phone away and now we are not allowing him to sleep over at girlfriend's house. He does have his cell phone back and I'm monitoring his usage online so if the data gets out of control I will cut the cell phone off again and get him one that he can just use to text me with. According to girlfriend's dad she badgers him about everything from chores, to getting up to homework (he's not very motivated) so I see no reason for him to not be at home except for the sex. And yes, the possibilities of drugs/alcohol that are not detected scare me. There is so much out there now that it is hard to keep up. Liahona - I have talked one of his former friends parents and they haven't said much - just that they never see him anymore and they don't hang out with each other. I think I will call another friends mom tonight and see what she has to say about this. Thank you for that idea. I ran into one of his current friends in the video store (he recognized the last name on my membership card) and he said he was very sorry for everything difficult child was putting us through and that he hoped difficult child would see the light and come home soon. He very obviously felt bad for me and what difficult child is putting us through. So, in one way his friends could be an influence and in another way it doesn't seem so. Given what his friend said in the video store and the amount of nagging he seems to be getting from his girlfriend it seems like they have some priorities, at least. Sigh. I feel as lost in this as he is. And the therapy sometimes feels like it is going to take forever to get anywhere. I know that time will pass with or without therapy and we are definitely better off with it so I'm trying to be patient with the process. [/QUOTE]
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So, how do you know if you're dealing with a sociopath?
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