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So little ambition
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 292221" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well Nancy if there is a magic wand for girls? Then there must be the club of prosperity for boys. Both are equally hard to not wave to help them. </p><p> </p><p>I have to really work at not doing things like that for Dude. What helps me is to picture all of you standing with your arms folded across from me with an eyebrow raised, a hip out and shaking your heads in disgust as if to say "Oh Star, you'll just NEVER learn will you?" and it actually helps shame me into not over-doing or fixing things. </p><p> </p><p>I think what is hard for me is doing the negative projecting. I sit and think "If I don't help him, if I don't fill this out then what is my life going to be like in a few months? Will this be MORE work for me in the long run?" and then I have to think - "WHY would it be more work for me?" and THAT is what I had to think through. IT wouldn't be more work for ME if I don't let it be. It would be MORE work for him - unless...I stepped in and did it FORE him time and again. Stopping that cycle was ugh--so hard. Because I want to fix it or because I could do it better, faster, quicker for him. Then I realized THAT was the problem too - if I always did it - he'd never learn how. I also figured he had enough tough breaks either genetically or by poor choices that seemed to perpetuate more poor choices and on and on and to some degree you can feel sorry for their choices which result in more bad things - but eventually you have to say "You know what - you can sit in that room all day and watch tv with your boyfriend, not prepare for college, not have a job, and not do a thing - but in 3 months - my goal for you is XXX and if you don't have your ducks in a row - you are still moving out." and then follow through. I did it with Dude when he was 16 - I cried for 3 days straight...but it had to be done and I hated ANYONE who said that to me. They were right - </p><p> </p><p>Every motivator Janet listed? True. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 292221, member: 4964"] Well Nancy if there is a magic wand for girls? Then there must be the club of prosperity for boys. Both are equally hard to not wave to help them. I have to really work at not doing things like that for Dude. What helps me is to picture all of you standing with your arms folded across from me with an eyebrow raised, a hip out and shaking your heads in disgust as if to say "Oh Star, you'll just NEVER learn will you?" and it actually helps shame me into not over-doing or fixing things. I think what is hard for me is doing the negative projecting. I sit and think "If I don't help him, if I don't fill this out then what is my life going to be like in a few months? Will this be MORE work for me in the long run?" and then I have to think - "WHY would it be more work for me?" and THAT is what I had to think through. IT wouldn't be more work for ME if I don't let it be. It would be MORE work for him - unless...I stepped in and did it FORE him time and again. Stopping that cycle was ugh--so hard. Because I want to fix it or because I could do it better, faster, quicker for him. Then I realized THAT was the problem too - if I always did it - he'd never learn how. I also figured he had enough tough breaks either genetically or by poor choices that seemed to perpetuate more poor choices and on and on and to some degree you can feel sorry for their choices which result in more bad things - but eventually you have to say "You know what - you can sit in that room all day and watch tv with your boyfriend, not prepare for college, not have a job, and not do a thing - but in 3 months - my goal for you is XXX and if you don't have your ducks in a row - you are still moving out." and then follow through. I did it with Dude when he was 16 - I cried for 3 days straight...but it had to be done and I hated ANYONE who said that to me. They were right - Every motivator Janet listed? True. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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