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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 420615" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">My H's behavior is cyclical when it comes to EVERYTHING. He may be a big help to me at times, especially when I'm in pain and can't do for myself. Other times he comes across as the most self centered person on the planet and even if my back is out or my knees are swollen to twice their size, he will comeback to me about his long hard hours and how he's soooo much more tired/in pain than me.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">The one thing I have learned is that he appreciates having his efforts and long hard work hours being acknowledged. So, sometimes before I ask for his help, I may say something like, "Hey, I know you've worked a long day/week, but I really could use your help with __________. I would really appreciate it, honey" and usually I can get him to help me. Sometimes, when he's on his own personal PMS cycle, he will bark back at my request and make it seem like he just rebuilt the entire island of Manhattan or something!</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">The point is to acknowledge his labors, pain, tiredness, whatever it is or takes to get him to know that although you understand where he's coming from, as your partner in life, you sitll need his assistance. For the past year I feel like I've been on auto pilot in terms of household chores, school, work, and caring for everyone. Last week, out of the blue, H came over and gave me a hug and said "I know you sometimes feel underappreciated, but I want you to know I appreciate you putting away my laundry" - HAHAHAHAHAHA, as if that's all I do for him!! But it was nice to hear and it made my chores go easier that day. So, that works both ways...acknowledging that we're BOTH tired, angry, in pain, whatever. H giving me that small thank you enabled me to finish my chores without resentment that day.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 420615, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]My H's behavior is cyclical when it comes to EVERYTHING. He may be a big help to me at times, especially when I'm in pain and can't do for myself. Other times he comes across as the most self centered person on the planet and even if my back is out or my knees are swollen to twice their size, he will comeback to me about his long hard hours and how he's soooo much more tired/in pain than me.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue] [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]The one thing I have learned is that he appreciates having his efforts and long hard work hours being acknowledged. So, sometimes before I ask for his help, I may say something like, "Hey, I know you've worked a long day/week, but I really could use your help with __________. I would really appreciate it, honey" and usually I can get him to help me. Sometimes, when he's on his own personal PMS cycle, he will bark back at my request and make it seem like he just rebuilt the entire island of Manhattan or something![/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue] [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]The point is to acknowledge his labors, pain, tiredness, whatever it is or takes to get him to know that although you understand where he's coming from, as your partner in life, you sitll need his assistance. For the past year I feel like I've been on auto pilot in terms of household chores, school, work, and caring for everyone. Last week, out of the blue, H came over and gave me a hug and said "I know you sometimes feel underappreciated, but I want you to know I appreciate you putting away my laundry" - HAHAHAHAHAHA, as if that's all I do for him!! But it was nice to hear and it made my chores go easier that day. So, that works both ways...acknowledging that we're BOTH tired, angry, in pain, whatever. H giving me that small thank you enabled me to finish my chores without resentment that day.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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