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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 420666" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Shari--</p><p> </p><p>I think you are on the right track....(eg <em>I need you to do the dishes</em>.)...tell him what you need during discussions, also...(eg <em>I need some pity right now because I feel bad</em>).</p><p> </p><p>And sometimes, I think it's necessary for couples to agree that certain things are just going to have to be 'off limits'.</p><p> </p><p>Years ago, when the kids were little, husband worked as an OTR truck driver. He was gone a LOT....so for all intents and purposes, I was a single parent-working, managing the house and two kids - one of whom was a raging difficult child. I was EXHAUSTED! Physically and mentally...</p><p> </p><p>But when husband would arrive home, all he wanted to do was tell me how TIRED he was. And no matter what my complaint or story...it would be met with how EXHAUSTING his work week was...and we would go round and round - and I would get so frustrated! I am sure he was tired, but my fatigue was just as valid as his was...and I felt like my feelings were always being dismissed.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, after many unresolved arguments and endless discussions - we agreed that any conversation about TIRED was just "off limits". You could mention it ONCE - but then you must move on...</p><p> </p><p>So it went from a constant debate about who was more tired and should be excused from chores to:</p><p> </p><p>"I'm tired and I don't feel like cooking tonight."</p><p> </p><p>"Me too and I don't feel like cooking either."</p><p> </p><p>hmmmm...</p><p> </p><p>"Flip ya for it?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If you can't resolve the "who's pain is worse" issue - maybe you just need to set it aside for awhile...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 420666, member: 6546"] Shari-- I think you are on the right track....(eg [I]I need you to do the dishes[/I].)...tell him what you need during discussions, also...(eg [I]I need some pity right now because I feel bad[/I]). And sometimes, I think it's necessary for couples to agree that certain things are just going to have to be 'off limits'. Years ago, when the kids were little, husband worked as an OTR truck driver. He was gone a LOT....so for all intents and purposes, I was a single parent-working, managing the house and two kids - one of whom was a raging difficult child. I was EXHAUSTED! Physically and mentally... But when husband would arrive home, all he wanted to do was tell me how TIRED he was. And no matter what my complaint or story...it would be met with how EXHAUSTING his work week was...and we would go round and round - and I would get so frustrated! I am sure he was tired, but my fatigue was just as valid as his was...and I felt like my feelings were always being dismissed. Finally, after many unresolved arguments and endless discussions - we agreed that any conversation about TIRED was just "off limits". You could mention it ONCE - but then you must move on... So it went from a constant debate about who was more tired and should be excused from chores to: "I'm tired and I don't feel like cooking tonight." "Me too and I don't feel like cooking either." hmmmm... "Flip ya for it?" If you can't resolve the "who's pain is worse" issue - maybe you just need to set it aside for awhile... [/QUOTE]
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