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<blockquote data-quote="flutterby" data-source="post: 420691" data-attributes="member: 7083"><p>Shari, this has been brewing for a long time. Even though he's making an effort now, you have years worth of frustration and resentment. I think it's going to take time for that to resolve itself, but I think it will as he continues to work on things.</p><p></p><p>Regarding not being able to say "I hurt" because he's going to respond the same way (which happens here with me and my daughter, so I know how completely invalidating that is), I would have a conversation with him. Tell him that you want to be able to tell him these things, but when he responds the way that he does it is invalidating to you. (I'm sure you'll think of a better way to put it.) It's not uncommon for one to relate to another by saying, "Oh, yeah, I hurt, too." I don't think that necessarily means it's a one-upping or diminishing the other's expression, but it does come across that way. For some people it is a way of saying they understand, especially those that don't know what to say in a situation like that. If that makes any sense - having a hard time getting my thoughts out today.</p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterby, post: 420691, member: 7083"] Shari, this has been brewing for a long time. Even though he's making an effort now, you have years worth of frustration and resentment. I think it's going to take time for that to resolve itself, but I think it will as he continues to work on things. Regarding not being able to say "I hurt" because he's going to respond the same way (which happens here with me and my daughter, so I know how completely invalidating that is), I would have a conversation with him. Tell him that you want to be able to tell him these things, but when he responds the way that he does it is invalidating to you. (I'm sure you'll think of a better way to put it.) It's not uncommon for one to relate to another by saying, "Oh, yeah, I hurt, too." I don't think that necessarily means it's a one-upping or diminishing the other's expression, but it does come across that way. For some people it is a way of saying they understand, especially those that don't know what to say in a situation like that. If that makes any sense - having a hard time getting my thoughts out today. Just my thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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