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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 534976"><p>Oh Nancy I am so sorry she is self destructing right now..... you know when I say that I know how you feel that in fact I really do. I think though as awful as this has all been for me it has got to be even worse having a daughter in this situation... as much as I worried about him when he was homeless at least i knew he would and could fight back if someone assaulted him. I think having a daughter is even harder.</p><p></p><p>I hate to say this but i don't think your daughter will get help until she has no other options..so although I totally understand your husband paying her rent I think it will just give her another month to spend her money on things besides her bills. I could totally see my son behaving exactly the same way.</p><p></p><p>My son also doesnt think the problem is drugs and alcohol. Really it feels like they are so much alike and as far as we know they have never met!! Although it is obvious to you and me that drugs and alcohol are part of the problem I have also come to believe that in some sense my son is right.... the problem is not the drugs and alcohol by themselves. There is an underlying issue that makes him self sabatoge and self destruct.... because much of the trouble he has been in is not totally related to drug and alcohol use. It is related to his relationships with women and his impuslivity and just plain thoughtless decisions. What makes him do these things. I don't know but until we get to the bottom of that behavior i don't think he will or can stay clean. I suspect the same is true of your daughter.</p><p></p><p>The theory in the case of my difficult child is that he experienced some major trauma.... probably between 6th and 7th grade. I have been wracking my brain and can not come up with anything but he got seriously depressed in 7th grade and that is when my relationshp with him went way downhill. Now he was very challenging before that don't get me wrong... but things definitely got worse then. I do feel guilty that I somehow missed something major at that time but there is nothing I can do about it.... it is now up to him to get treatement to help him figure out what is going on and how to live his life differently.</p><p></p><p>I think your daughter needs more than AA.... I think 12 step programs are great... but I think people with underlying mental health issues need more and I think that is true for my difficult child and yours.</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking about you all week!!!</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 534976"] Oh Nancy I am so sorry she is self destructing right now..... you know when I say that I know how you feel that in fact I really do. I think though as awful as this has all been for me it has got to be even worse having a daughter in this situation... as much as I worried about him when he was homeless at least i knew he would and could fight back if someone assaulted him. I think having a daughter is even harder. I hate to say this but i don't think your daughter will get help until she has no other options..so although I totally understand your husband paying her rent I think it will just give her another month to spend her money on things besides her bills. I could totally see my son behaving exactly the same way. My son also doesnt think the problem is drugs and alcohol. Really it feels like they are so much alike and as far as we know they have never met!! Although it is obvious to you and me that drugs and alcohol are part of the problem I have also come to believe that in some sense my son is right.... the problem is not the drugs and alcohol by themselves. There is an underlying issue that makes him self sabatoge and self destruct.... because much of the trouble he has been in is not totally related to drug and alcohol use. It is related to his relationships with women and his impuslivity and just plain thoughtless decisions. What makes him do these things. I don't know but until we get to the bottom of that behavior i don't think he will or can stay clean. I suspect the same is true of your daughter. The theory in the case of my difficult child is that he experienced some major trauma.... probably between 6th and 7th grade. I have been wracking my brain and can not come up with anything but he got seriously depressed in 7th grade and that is when my relationshp with him went way downhill. Now he was very challenging before that don't get me wrong... but things definitely got worse then. I do feel guilty that I somehow missed something major at that time but there is nothing I can do about it.... it is now up to him to get treatement to help him figure out what is going on and how to live his life differently. I think your daughter needs more than AA.... I think 12 step programs are great... but I think people with underlying mental health issues need more and I think that is true for my difficult child and yours. I have been thinking about you all week!!! TL [/QUOTE]
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