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So upset today
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 635995" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Don't <em>be confused. </em>Be realistic. Say to yourself a mantra (same phrase over and over) "It's not my fault, I didn't cause it and I can't fix it". That is the <em>truth! </em>Sometimes, especially when dealing with this population, we can get so caught up in have to do <em>something, anything, </em>that we aren't able to see the simple facts of the situation. In this case, your son is living his life on his terms - it is up to you to decide <em>if you want to interfere in that. </em>Your son's IQ is higher than my sister's was (50) and trust me she could understand quite well that I was not going to do some of the things she wanted me to do. Example: When she would be a violent bully, she would get locked up in the mental hospital - I told her, honestly, there there was nothing I could do to get her out. It was up to her to go along with the program to get herself out of the hospital. My how she would curse, but before you know it she was participating in the programs she needed to for her to get herself out of the hospital. </p><p></p><p>I get it, you have told yourself over and over - but he has special needs - but how is that serving him or you? Your guilt and refusal to just stand up to him, not only hurts you, it hurts him to because he can not learn from the events he creates in his life. As much as you want to protect him from life, life just happens and you can't control that anymore than you can control the sun coming up. </p><p></p><p>Any alcoholic, special needs or not, needs to hit bottom before they are willing to get help. There are no "special considerations" for anyone, which seems to be a train of thought (also trap) you have allowed yourself to fall in to. </p><p></p><p>I suggest 3 ideas: 1.Al-Anon for you 2. study up on self determination for people with Intellectual disabilities 3. work on getting you own anxieties under control</p><p></p><p>These ideas are not to blame you but to help you get to a point where you are re-acting from a point of strength rather than a one of weakness. </p><p></p><p>I get it that way too many people have been by-passing him and blaming you but that doesn't make it right. It just makes those kind of people who do those things ignorant.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 635995, member: 18366"] Don't [I]be confused. [/I]Be realistic. Say to yourself a mantra (same phrase over and over) "It's not my fault, I didn't cause it and I can't fix it". That is the [I]truth! [/I]Sometimes, especially when dealing with this population, we can get so caught up in have to do [I]something, anything, [/I]that we aren't able to see the simple facts of the situation. In this case, your son is living his life on his terms - it is up to you to decide [I]if you want to interfere in that. [/I]Your son's IQ is higher than my sister's was (50) and trust me she could understand quite well that I was not going to do some of the things she wanted me to do. Example: When she would be a violent bully, she would get locked up in the mental hospital - I told her, honestly, there there was nothing I could do to get her out. It was up to her to go along with the program to get herself out of the hospital. My how she would curse, but before you know it she was participating in the programs she needed to for her to get herself out of the hospital. I get it, you have told yourself over and over - but he has special needs - but how is that serving him or you? Your guilt and refusal to just stand up to him, not only hurts you, it hurts him to because he can not learn from the events he creates in his life. As much as you want to protect him from life, life just happens and you can't control that anymore than you can control the sun coming up. Any alcoholic, special needs or not, needs to hit bottom before they are willing to get help. There are no "special considerations" for anyone, which seems to be a train of thought (also trap) you have allowed yourself to fall in to. I suggest 3 ideas: 1.Al-Anon for you 2. study up on self determination for people with Intellectual disabilities 3. work on getting you own anxieties under control These ideas are not to blame you but to help you get to a point where you are re-acting from a point of strength rather than a one of weakness. I get it that way too many people have been by-passing him and blaming you but that doesn't make it right. It just makes those kind of people who do those things ignorant. [/QUOTE]
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