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General Parenting
So what happens when difficult child turns 18?
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<blockquote data-quote="Robinboots" data-source="post: 333687" data-attributes="member: 4542"><p>I did read it and I can understand your fears and concerns. But I think we're coming at this from very different perspectives.</p><p></p><p>First and foremost, your difficult child is a sib, mine is my son. Second, I'm not sure why your sib is still living at home, if it's because of his functioning level or parental enabling. </p><p></p><p>As much as you may love your sibling, it's just not like having a child in the same condition. Period. Don't mean to be harsh, just the way it is.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is very independent, at least on average for most 17yos. He cooks, he cleans (well, sorta, but he knows how!), he knows HOW to manage money but chooses not to, he's extremely smart and well-spoken and very, very charming. I seriously canNOT imagine him living here at 40. NO WAY I'd put up with his cr*p for 20+ more years.</p><p></p><p>My question wasn't so much "what" to do with him, but what will happen to him. I read here, and elsewhere, that difficult children end up couch-surfing, or living God knows where or moving back home...repeatedly. I can almost guarantee that husband would NEVER, EVER allow that.</p><p></p><p>The psychiatrist told me the other day that most of these kids have to hit rock bottom before they can move back up. That they ARE capable of doing what's right, they just so often choose not to. So it's not ALL beyond their control.</p><p></p><p>Yes, my difficult child is one of the rare ones who does not appear to have a co-morbid diagnosis, and plain old CD is not a factor in independence. In fact, if I tossed him out tomorrow, he'd probably do just fine, survival-wise. He might get knocked around, or get arrested for various and sundry minor issues - or even some major ones. He might end up under a bridge, but I doubt that. He can be too charming and "normal" when he wants to.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm just more worried about *I* will handle it, the worry, the not knowing, etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Robinboots, post: 333687, member: 4542"] I did read it and I can understand your fears and concerns. But I think we're coming at this from very different perspectives. First and foremost, your difficult child is a sib, mine is my son. Second, I'm not sure why your sib is still living at home, if it's because of his functioning level or parental enabling. As much as you may love your sibling, it's just not like having a child in the same condition. Period. Don't mean to be harsh, just the way it is. My difficult child is very independent, at least on average for most 17yos. He cooks, he cleans (well, sorta, but he knows how!), he knows HOW to manage money but chooses not to, he's extremely smart and well-spoken and very, very charming. I seriously canNOT imagine him living here at 40. NO WAY I'd put up with his cr*p for 20+ more years. My question wasn't so much "what" to do with him, but what will happen to him. I read here, and elsewhere, that difficult children end up couch-surfing, or living God knows where or moving back home...repeatedly. I can almost guarantee that husband would NEVER, EVER allow that. The psychiatrist told me the other day that most of these kids have to hit rock bottom before they can move back up. That they ARE capable of doing what's right, they just so often choose not to. So it's not ALL beyond their control. Yes, my difficult child is one of the rare ones who does not appear to have a co-morbid diagnosis, and plain old CD is not a factor in independence. In fact, if I tossed him out tomorrow, he'd probably do just fine, survival-wise. He might get knocked around, or get arrested for various and sundry minor issues - or even some major ones. He might end up under a bridge, but I doubt that. He can be too charming and "normal" when he wants to. Maybe I'm just more worried about *I* will handle it, the worry, the not knowing, etc. [/QUOTE]
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