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Social difficulties/loner by choice--what do you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 468036" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>Still sounds like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but no matter. And while you *THINK* that she learned that isolation is OK, it's quite possible that it was in her nature to begin with, so that time you were all isolated was not a problem for her. After the age of 8, son no longer really sought out playmates. My girls on the other hand desperately sought companionship. If they didn't have a playdate or activity lined up, they wanted to most desperately to go to the park because there are ALWAYS other kids there. I think even if you weren't isolated as a family, she still would not have been seeking out friendships.</p><p></p><p>Son has one local friend - the same one he's had since 2nd grade - that he interacts with outside of school. Since they have gotten older, and their interests have radically diverged, they hang out maybe once every six months. Son has no problem with this. Yes he would like to have more friends, but it is very difficult for him, so he's resigned himself to wait. He has joined a robotics club, and just maybe he will make some friends there.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion your difficult child 2 sounds like she is aware of her social shortcomings and is comfortable with that. At older ages, you cannot "force" kids to be friends. This other girls sounds annoyingly desperate. She has probably alienated all the other girls already and is so desperate for friendship that she's willing to put up with a difficult child and all that drama just to have a friend. I would <strong>not</strong> keep them apart, but I would DEFINITELY set firm time limits on their playdates. It is not good for difficult child 2 to have to go into crazy meltdowns to set her limits, and then still not have those limits respected. If this other girl does not go when difficult child 2 asks her to, you MUST respect and enforce difficult child 2's limit. This does two things. Teaches this other kid, who obviously has boundary issues of her own, that SHE needs to respect other ppl's boundaries and limits, and second, shows difficult child 2 that you are sensitive to her needs and limits and will not push her too far. You may push, nudge, cajole, etc, but within reason, so difficult child 2 can relax a bit more and know you "have her back" if anxiety gets the better of her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 468036, member: 11965"] Still sounds like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but no matter. And while you *THINK* that she learned that isolation is OK, it's quite possible that it was in her nature to begin with, so that time you were all isolated was not a problem for her. After the age of 8, son no longer really sought out playmates. My girls on the other hand desperately sought companionship. If they didn't have a playdate or activity lined up, they wanted to most desperately to go to the park because there are ALWAYS other kids there. I think even if you weren't isolated as a family, she still would not have been seeking out friendships. Son has one local friend - the same one he's had since 2nd grade - that he interacts with outside of school. Since they have gotten older, and their interests have radically diverged, they hang out maybe once every six months. Son has no problem with this. Yes he would like to have more friends, but it is very difficult for him, so he's resigned himself to wait. He has joined a robotics club, and just maybe he will make some friends there. in my opinion your difficult child 2 sounds like she is aware of her social shortcomings and is comfortable with that. At older ages, you cannot "force" kids to be friends. This other girls sounds annoyingly desperate. She has probably alienated all the other girls already and is so desperate for friendship that she's willing to put up with a difficult child and all that drama just to have a friend. I would [B]not[/B] keep them apart, but I would DEFINITELY set firm time limits on their playdates. It is not good for difficult child 2 to have to go into crazy meltdowns to set her limits, and then still not have those limits respected. If this other girl does not go when difficult child 2 asks her to, you MUST respect and enforce difficult child 2's limit. This does two things. Teaches this other kid, who obviously has boundary issues of her own, that SHE needs to respect other ppl's boundaries and limits, and second, shows difficult child 2 that you are sensitive to her needs and limits and will not push her too far. You may push, nudge, cajole, etc, but within reason, so difficult child 2 can relax a bit more and know you "have her back" if anxiety gets the better of her. [/QUOTE]
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