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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 614405" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Yes, Recovering. Plus, in October, before we came South, this same son received $650 to a different emergency. We had just given difficult child daughter $1000 and told both kids that was the last of it. difficult child son has received $250 since then. difficult child daughter: I think $500 and another probably $500 in clothing and travel expenses due out soon, to get her out of this situation. What difficult child son said is that he had completed a job which would have netted $1700. The lady is refusing to pay, because she does not like the quality of the work. I see that he may not want $1700, but some lesser amount. Rent and utilities, maybe? husband said I should find out what it is difficult child son actually needs. $1700 was the value of the job, the amout of money difficult child son should have taken in this week.</p><p></p><p>We aren't doing well at all, Recovering. </p><p></p><p>Well, that's not true, really. Our heads are spinning, we are traumatized by the savagery of the attack on difficult child daughter, and difficult child son's latest demands have not been met with the usual "O.K. but this is the last time." I was at the dentist today, and realized they were playing Christmas carols. I am only vaguely aware it's fricking Christmas. </p><p></p><p>I liked what you said about the lessons getting harder, Recovering. I would definitely say that is the case, here. difficult child daughter actually does need help. But I heard from her today all about how family turned away from her when she was homeless. She is so angry and hurt that they turned away from her. I am not going to even tell husband about that one. Extended family was there at her apartment twice, another aunt slipped her money, and an uncle would have taken her in at any time. When we got home again, we made it totally clear that she could come home. All she wanted then was money, too. We gave it, and learned later that, had we stopped, she would have been beaten, and that she <u>was</u> beaten until she asked for the money, every time we waited to hear from her until we sent it.</p><p></p><p>I understand that we have created this situation...I literally don't know how, or why, in the sense that every time help was given, every time a child, or a child and/or grandchildren were taken in, it was an emergency situation. It's a nasty trap, and both kids conveniently forget that drug use is the root cause of their problems, and of where they are in their lives today, in the sense that they were not mentally available for private school (which difficult child daughter attended, and difficult child son slept through the interview for) or college, when they were young and we were financially able to do that. </p><p></p><p>difficult child son had to have been aware of his impending eviction, and did not deal with the situation. I read a post tonite on P.E. about a family with FOUR addict/non-functional kids. I get it that we are contributing to the crumminess of this situation. It's always an emergency. </p><p></p><p>I told husband tonight that he could not give difficult child son the money. husband is trapped. He wants to help. It is never enough and we are so far beyond anything budgeted for this year that it's scary.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry, Recovering. Not an upbeat post. Chances are excellent that my sister will show up here on Wednesday to prove she was not asking to come because she couldn't afford to stay elsewhere. It would be just like her, to do that. I am about ready to say "Well, that's a really good thing, because you aren't staying here now, either."</p><p></p><p>Lessons.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking about that aspect of things. Recovering, there could not be a more Perfect Storm. But...my parents were all about how no one could expect anything from them. I did not want to be that parent. Now, I am going to pick that. It is hard to do, hard to accept. </p><p></p><p>Please excuse me. I sound so sharp and nasty.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 614405, member: 1721"] Yes, Recovering. Plus, in October, before we came South, this same son received $650 to a different emergency. We had just given difficult child daughter $1000 and told both kids that was the last of it. difficult child son has received $250 since then. difficult child daughter: I think $500 and another probably $500 in clothing and travel expenses due out soon, to get her out of this situation. What difficult child son said is that he had completed a job which would have netted $1700. The lady is refusing to pay, because she does not like the quality of the work. I see that he may not want $1700, but some lesser amount. Rent and utilities, maybe? husband said I should find out what it is difficult child son actually needs. $1700 was the value of the job, the amout of money difficult child son should have taken in this week. We aren't doing well at all, Recovering. Well, that's not true, really. Our heads are spinning, we are traumatized by the savagery of the attack on difficult child daughter, and difficult child son's latest demands have not been met with the usual "O.K. but this is the last time." I was at the dentist today, and realized they were playing Christmas carols. I am only vaguely aware it's fricking Christmas. I liked what you said about the lessons getting harder, Recovering. I would definitely say that is the case, here. difficult child daughter actually does need help. But I heard from her today all about how family turned away from her when she was homeless. She is so angry and hurt that they turned away from her. I am not going to even tell husband about that one. Extended family was there at her apartment twice, another aunt slipped her money, and an uncle would have taken her in at any time. When we got home again, we made it totally clear that she could come home. All she wanted then was money, too. We gave it, and learned later that, had we stopped, she would have been beaten, and that she [U]was[/U] beaten until she asked for the money, every time we waited to hear from her until we sent it. I understand that we have created this situation...I literally don't know how, or why, in the sense that every time help was given, every time a child, or a child and/or grandchildren were taken in, it was an emergency situation. It's a nasty trap, and both kids conveniently forget that drug use is the root cause of their problems, and of where they are in their lives today, in the sense that they were not mentally available for private school (which difficult child daughter attended, and difficult child son slept through the interview for) or college, when they were young and we were financially able to do that. difficult child son had to have been aware of his impending eviction, and did not deal with the situation. I read a post tonite on P.E. about a family with FOUR addict/non-functional kids. I get it that we are contributing to the crumminess of this situation. It's always an emergency. I told husband tonight that he could not give difficult child son the money. husband is trapped. He wants to help. It is never enough and we are so far beyond anything budgeted for this year that it's scary. I'm sorry, Recovering. Not an upbeat post. Chances are excellent that my sister will show up here on Wednesday to prove she was not asking to come because she couldn't afford to stay elsewhere. It would be just like her, to do that. I am about ready to say "Well, that's a really good thing, because you aren't staying here now, either." Lessons. I am thinking about that aspect of things. Recovering, there could not be a more Perfect Storm. But...my parents were all about how no one could expect anything from them. I did not want to be that parent. Now, I am going to pick that. It is hard to do, hard to accept. Please excuse me. I sound so sharp and nasty. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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