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Some observations about difficult child. Not sure what to do with them, or nothing at all
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 543713" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>To be honest, I'm not sure. They met after difficult child moved out from home and I have seen them together very limitedly. I do believe that a lot of attraction between them is superficial (on both sides), but at least difficult child firmly believes he is very much in love. And I have seen signs of him being at least somewhat tuned to her needs. There definitely is some emotional closeness and they seem to talk also about deeper matters. But of course it is not same way emotionally close than real adult relationship would (in good case) be. Still they are very young and it is puppy love and I'm not quite sure how deep puppy love usually is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He has always been different. I had a feeling of him not being quite like other babies early on and first time something concrete came up was when he was two. I was worried about his sensitivity and on the other hand his accident proneness. After talking about it in his screening/well child check type of things we were referred to Occupational Therapist (OT) and sensory issues came up. At that time they were not considered independent issues here but part of either ADHD or autism spectrum and we were warned that either of those could come up later. His first through evaluations were when he was 5. Again in screenings his troubles came up and he was referred first to psychologist and after that to neuropsychologist evaluation. In that point issues seemed to be sensory issues, hyperactivity, social skills, some anxiety, reactivity and perfectionism. Some ADHD traits, some slight asperger traits but not enough to warrant diagnosis. We were ushered to parenting classes (at that time it felt almost offending but I have to say it was a good thing. Parenting didn't change difficult child to easy child but I'm not sure how we would had survived parenting him without that work then.) and difficult child received some play therapy and more Occupational Therapist (OT). Occupational Therapist (OT) helped a lot with sensory issues and he has been near the limit of normalcy on that after early years. </p><p></p><p>Next through evaluations were done when he was near teens. Again some ADHD and asperger traits, not enough for diagnosis. That time I was told that he could be diagnosable if he wouldn't be quite as smart and compensating so well or if I hadn't worked so hard with him to teach him skills. Of course they may had said that just to make me feel better, but still it seems clear to me, that he isn't really neurotypical. He just is atypical in ways that they have no diagnosis for or not quite atypical enough to diagnose. He did get a diagnosis of school phobia little later but that was only a tool to get everyone out of trouble. He played truant so much they should not had let him pass. And CPS should had done something. And because nothing was helping he should had been taken into a care and put to the placement where his education would had been ensured. But county had no desire to pay over 10000 dollars a month to put him to the place there all the other kids had much more severe problems (for him to learn bad behaviours from) and that would not had been an academical fit anyway just to get his bottom and chair in classroom to meet. After all he was learning just fine, he just wasn't going to school that much. We didn't have a real chance to just home-school so he was given a diagnosis that solved a problem from county's perspective. difficult child attended school as much as 'he could' and rest he studied independently</p><p></p><p>But yes, asperger traits are there. He is too high functioning for diagnosis and some key traits are missing, but there is a lot in him that reminds asperger kids. And his social skills are poor, but that of course is a chicken or egg question. Was he bullied because of bad innate social skills or have his social skills developed so poorly because of bullying? Who knows? I also suspect some executive function issues and his attention is not really typical (lots of hyperfocusing and on the other hand focus in many things at the same time.) But he is close enough to typicality that in the easier environment it doesn't really show. But of course he has put himself to very demanding environment in some ways.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 543713, member: 14557"] To be honest, I'm not sure. They met after difficult child moved out from home and I have seen them together very limitedly. I do believe that a lot of attraction between them is superficial (on both sides), but at least difficult child firmly believes he is very much in love. And I have seen signs of him being at least somewhat tuned to her needs. There definitely is some emotional closeness and they seem to talk also about deeper matters. But of course it is not same way emotionally close than real adult relationship would (in good case) be. Still they are very young and it is puppy love and I'm not quite sure how deep puppy love usually is. He has always been different. I had a feeling of him not being quite like other babies early on and first time something concrete came up was when he was two. I was worried about his sensitivity and on the other hand his accident proneness. After talking about it in his screening/well child check type of things we were referred to Occupational Therapist (OT) and sensory issues came up. At that time they were not considered independent issues here but part of either ADHD or autism spectrum and we were warned that either of those could come up later. His first through evaluations were when he was 5. Again in screenings his troubles came up and he was referred first to psychologist and after that to neuropsychologist evaluation. In that point issues seemed to be sensory issues, hyperactivity, social skills, some anxiety, reactivity and perfectionism. Some ADHD traits, some slight asperger traits but not enough to warrant diagnosis. We were ushered to parenting classes (at that time it felt almost offending but I have to say it was a good thing. Parenting didn't change difficult child to easy child but I'm not sure how we would had survived parenting him without that work then.) and difficult child received some play therapy and more Occupational Therapist (OT). Occupational Therapist (OT) helped a lot with sensory issues and he has been near the limit of normalcy on that after early years. Next through evaluations were done when he was near teens. Again some ADHD and asperger traits, not enough for diagnosis. That time I was told that he could be diagnosable if he wouldn't be quite as smart and compensating so well or if I hadn't worked so hard with him to teach him skills. Of course they may had said that just to make me feel better, but still it seems clear to me, that he isn't really neurotypical. He just is atypical in ways that they have no diagnosis for or not quite atypical enough to diagnose. He did get a diagnosis of school phobia little later but that was only a tool to get everyone out of trouble. He played truant so much they should not had let him pass. And CPS should had done something. And because nothing was helping he should had been taken into a care and put to the placement where his education would had been ensured. But county had no desire to pay over 10000 dollars a month to put him to the place there all the other kids had much more severe problems (for him to learn bad behaviours from) and that would not had been an academical fit anyway just to get his bottom and chair in classroom to meet. After all he was learning just fine, he just wasn't going to school that much. We didn't have a real chance to just home-school so he was given a diagnosis that solved a problem from county's perspective. difficult child attended school as much as 'he could' and rest he studied independently But yes, asperger traits are there. He is too high functioning for diagnosis and some key traits are missing, but there is a lot in him that reminds asperger kids. And his social skills are poor, but that of course is a chicken or egg question. Was he bullied because of bad innate social skills or have his social skills developed so poorly because of bullying? Who knows? I also suspect some executive function issues and his attention is not really typical (lots of hyperfocusing and on the other hand focus in many things at the same time.) But he is close enough to typicality that in the easier environment it doesn't really show. But of course he has put himself to very demanding environment in some ways. [/QUOTE]
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Some observations about difficult child. Not sure what to do with them, or nothing at all
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