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Some questions...trying to detach
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 576375" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I wouldn't pay for anything, except maybe peanut butter and whole wheat bread, and least of all his cigarettes, which are so bad for him. He is old enough to pay for his own cell phone. If he can't afford one, he can buy one of those pay-as-you-go phones for emergencies. As an adult, he should be paying these things himself. If he is too disabled to work, he should apply for SSDI and still pay for things himself. I have a disabled son and as soon as he gets his own place, which he very much wants to do and will get with help from the state, he knows he is going to have to pay for his own luxuries and accepts it. He works every day. He is on the autism spectrum. It is not good for people with problems to depend on us too much...we can't be there forever. I have a serious mood disorder and my parents did not help me...I made it this far BECAUSE they didn't help me. I didn't like it at the time, but I'm grateful for it now, even though they were actually being mean. It forced me to function when I didn't think I could. Also, if a person has a drinking problem, he can not control his drinking. He shouldn't be drinking at all. Is he drinking and driving?</p><p></p><p>If I were you, I'd scale back. Your son is 25 years old. If he doesn't "get it" in the next few years, when will he get it? He needs to learn to manage his illness. Again, you can not live forever. Who will come to his rescue when you're gone? He has no coping skills. He needs to learn them, even with bipolar, and he won't if you're always there to "cope" for him. I highly recommend going to Al-Anon. If your son was in rehab for alcohol, well, you know he is an alcoholic and you could get real life, face-t0-face help at a meeting. Gentle hugs. I know it is hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 576375, member: 1550"] I wouldn't pay for anything, except maybe peanut butter and whole wheat bread, and least of all his cigarettes, which are so bad for him. He is old enough to pay for his own cell phone. If he can't afford one, he can buy one of those pay-as-you-go phones for emergencies. As an adult, he should be paying these things himself. If he is too disabled to work, he should apply for SSDI and still pay for things himself. I have a disabled son and as soon as he gets his own place, which he very much wants to do and will get with help from the state, he knows he is going to have to pay for his own luxuries and accepts it. He works every day. He is on the autism spectrum. It is not good for people with problems to depend on us too much...we can't be there forever. I have a serious mood disorder and my parents did not help me...I made it this far BECAUSE they didn't help me. I didn't like it at the time, but I'm grateful for it now, even though they were actually being mean. It forced me to function when I didn't think I could. Also, if a person has a drinking problem, he can not control his drinking. He shouldn't be drinking at all. Is he drinking and driving? If I were you, I'd scale back. Your son is 25 years old. If he doesn't "get it" in the next few years, when will he get it? He needs to learn to manage his illness. Again, you can not live forever. Who will come to his rescue when you're gone? He has no coping skills. He needs to learn them, even with bipolar, and he won't if you're always there to "cope" for him. I highly recommend going to Al-Anon. If your son was in rehab for alcohol, well, you know he is an alcoholic and you could get real life, face-t0-face help at a meeting. Gentle hugs. I know it is hard. [/QUOTE]
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Some questions...trying to detach
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