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Parent Emeritus
Some questions...trying to detach
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 576407" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>IAD, we all come to these decisions in our own ways, and they are always very difficult. I have an adult difficult child who has mental issues and the way I handled it was over time. I talked to her and said, this is how it is going to pan out, for instance, using your examples...... I will pay your rent for one more month, I will pay for food for 2 more months, I will not ever pay for cigarettes, I will pay for your cell for 6 months, etc, you decide your time constraints. Each is a step for him to negotiate on his own, what you're wanting to do is find your balance point between his independence and healthy dependence. You might want to draw up a sort of contract, so he can see it in black and white, the goal being his independence. He will balk and try to guilt you but once you make the decision, you have to stick to it, otherwise, really, it's all a waste of time. I would be VERY clear as to the dates, exactly what your willingness is and when the cut off dates are. If you've made that call to NAMI,the parent classes may be a very big help to you about these issues. I understand personally how difficult it is to detach, but over time and with support for YOU, you will be in a better place to do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 576407, member: 13542"] IAD, we all come to these decisions in our own ways, and they are always very difficult. I have an adult difficult child who has mental issues and the way I handled it was over time. I talked to her and said, this is how it is going to pan out, for instance, using your examples...... I will pay your rent for one more month, I will pay for food for 2 more months, I will not ever pay for cigarettes, I will pay for your cell for 6 months, etc, you decide your time constraints. Each is a step for him to negotiate on his own, what you're wanting to do is find your balance point between his independence and healthy dependence. You might want to draw up a sort of contract, so he can see it in black and white, the goal being his independence. He will balk and try to guilt you but once you make the decision, you have to stick to it, otherwise, really, it's all a waste of time. I would be VERY clear as to the dates, exactly what your willingness is and when the cut off dates are. If you've made that call to NAMI,the parent classes may be a very big help to you about these issues. I understand personally how difficult it is to detach, but over time and with support for YOU, you will be in a better place to do it. [/QUOTE]
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Some questions...trying to detach
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