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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759099" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello soooo tired</p><p></p><p>So wonderful that your life has taken such a wonderful turn, having married again to a nice man whose family is good to you; and that you have fine relationships with your other two children. </p><p></p><p>I think that sometimes acceptance is the best thing we can do for ourselves and others. I think I get the pain, concern and worry you feel about your grandkids and the fear they believe you've abandoned them.</p><p></p><p>I think that when your thoughts go there and stay, you are abandoning yourself, and taking responsibility for events and choices that were not yours. Your daughter has made a series of decisions that have impacted greatly everybody--you, her children, and herself, at minimum. For these she is responsible; not you. As the parent of her children, she has 100 percent control within the law. </p><p></p><p>In my own experience what you describe is common, unfortunately, where children are at the effect of parents--their bad behavior, their bad choices, their self-centeredness. I know that I was one of these children. I believe it is the human condition.</p><p></p><p>What we do have control over is our responses to these events. How much we allow ourselves to dwell on these things over which we have no control; and our thoughts about the why, the how, and the how come. All of these lead us to a bad place and often to self-punishment, that we don't deserve. This too is the human condition, but we don't have to go there or at the very least we don't have to stay there.</p><p></p><p>Of course, these are only my own thoughts, which may or may not be helpful or even true. But they are true for me.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you came back and posted. Take care. It is not your fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759099, member: 18958"] Hello soooo tired So wonderful that your life has taken such a wonderful turn, having married again to a nice man whose family is good to you; and that you have fine relationships with your other two children. I think that sometimes acceptance is the best thing we can do for ourselves and others. I think I get the pain, concern and worry you feel about your grandkids and the fear they believe you've abandoned them. I think that when your thoughts go there and stay, you are abandoning yourself, and taking responsibility for events and choices that were not yours. Your daughter has made a series of decisions that have impacted greatly everybody--you, her children, and herself, at minimum. For these she is responsible; not you. As the parent of her children, she has 100 percent control within the law. In my own experience what you describe is common, unfortunately, where children are at the effect of parents--their bad behavior, their bad choices, their self-centeredness. I know that I was one of these children. I believe it is the human condition. What we do have control over is our responses to these events. How much we allow ourselves to dwell on these things over which we have no control; and our thoughts about the why, the how, and the how come. All of these lead us to a bad place and often to self-punishment, that we don't deserve. This too is the human condition, but we don't have to go there or at the very least we don't have to stay there. Of course, these are only my own thoughts, which may or may not be helpful or even true. But they are true for me. I am glad you came back and posted. Take care. It is not your fault. [/QUOTE]
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