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Some Thoughts Gained from Insights Wk 3 update
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 388264" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Yeah. I know I can't make this decision for her, she has to make it for herself. Hoovers, but this is her life and she has to live it; the good, the bad, and the ugly.</p><p></p><p>And I also know that what I can clearly see from outside the relationship may not be quite as clear to her since she is the one stuck right in the middle of it. Especially when I have a ton of life experience over her plus the additional experiences of being married to her dad for 30 yrs.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> At her age I was just truly getting that husband was my obstacle.</p><p></p><p>I don't plan to sit her down and say her husband is such and such and she needs to toss him to the curb. I've raised 2 other girls to adults and know full well that is the last thing I want to do. ugh But it doesn't stop you from wanting to wave a flag in front of their face. lol</p><p></p><p>Yeah, visitation with dad once they did separate would be iffy......but he could probably manage for a weekend......but raising them simply would not work. Although I could imagine how they'd come back from those visits. whew! So yeah, that might be a worry on her mind as well.</p><p></p><p>Janet what you say is true and it is something I plan to point out to her. Single her husband is forced in this state to pay child support regardless of employment status or he goes to jail, min of 50 bucks a wk per kid. Is what happened last time and believe me he found work fast. lol I keep thinking gee, it's 150 more per wk than they have now........ (awful but I can't help it) Not to mention all the programs that would open up for her as a single parent vs them being a married couple.</p><p></p><p>Our biggest hurdle is that Katie has never had much self confidence and self esteem, even as a young child. What I've been trying to point out to her since she's been here is that she is the one who has been carrying the full load under horrible circumstances and to have managed to keep them off the streets as long as she did shows how smart, capable, and strong she truly is. </p><p></p><p>I really do thank all of you for the responses. They help way more than you know. I feel like I'm walking a tight wire some days. ugh And since I'm sitting right in the middle of all this it can alter my own perspectives somewhat. Doesn't help that I know the cash from biomom is running out and we've got to find a place for them to go before it does. And seriously......while I doubt finances or not, if push comes to shove, I can let katie and the grandkids be on the street (it snowed here this morning) ........I think I'd lose my mind if her husband were here 24/7 again.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /> So I sort of feel this urgent need to get her husband out of the picture asap in order to increase her chances for moving forward. Know what I mean?? I find I have to fight against that urge a lot right now.</p><p></p><p>The heart to heart will be more about what Katie wants.....her goals ect how she plans to reach them, how her husband may or may not play into those goals ect, not a this is what you gotta do or else thing. Because that would just backfire anyway and it's not my place to do that........not my life.</p><p></p><p>Most frustrating part, and this is probably going to sound maybe a bit strange..........Her husband is the major cause of her migraines which all but cripple her, which makes it extremely hard for her to look for work or do other things that need to be done. Which is slowly forward progress to a snails pace simply because every day almost she's writhing in bed from yet another migraine. Until he is out of the picture 24/7 I don't see the migraines improving..........which hoovers. That all by itself is a vicious cycle that seems never ending.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 388264, member: 84"] Yeah. I know I can't make this decision for her, she has to make it for herself. Hoovers, but this is her life and she has to live it; the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I also know that what I can clearly see from outside the relationship may not be quite as clear to her since she is the one stuck right in the middle of it. Especially when I have a ton of life experience over her plus the additional experiences of being married to her dad for 30 yrs.:raspberry-tounge: At her age I was just truly getting that husband was my obstacle. I don't plan to sit her down and say her husband is such and such and she needs to toss him to the curb. I've raised 2 other girls to adults and know full well that is the last thing I want to do. ugh But it doesn't stop you from wanting to wave a flag in front of their face. lol Yeah, visitation with dad once they did separate would be iffy......but he could probably manage for a weekend......but raising them simply would not work. Although I could imagine how they'd come back from those visits. whew! So yeah, that might be a worry on her mind as well. Janet what you say is true and it is something I plan to point out to her. Single her husband is forced in this state to pay child support regardless of employment status or he goes to jail, min of 50 bucks a wk per kid. Is what happened last time and believe me he found work fast. lol I keep thinking gee, it's 150 more per wk than they have now........ (awful but I can't help it) Not to mention all the programs that would open up for her as a single parent vs them being a married couple. Our biggest hurdle is that Katie has never had much self confidence and self esteem, even as a young child. What I've been trying to point out to her since she's been here is that she is the one who has been carrying the full load under horrible circumstances and to have managed to keep them off the streets as long as she did shows how smart, capable, and strong she truly is. I really do thank all of you for the responses. They help way more than you know. I feel like I'm walking a tight wire some days. ugh And since I'm sitting right in the middle of all this it can alter my own perspectives somewhat. Doesn't help that I know the cash from biomom is running out and we've got to find a place for them to go before it does. And seriously......while I doubt finances or not, if push comes to shove, I can let katie and the grandkids be on the street (it snowed here this morning) ........I think I'd lose my mind if her husband were here 24/7 again.:surprised1: So I sort of feel this urgent need to get her husband out of the picture asap in order to increase her chances for moving forward. Know what I mean?? I find I have to fight against that urge a lot right now. The heart to heart will be more about what Katie wants.....her goals ect how she plans to reach them, how her husband may or may not play into those goals ect, not a this is what you gotta do or else thing. Because that would just backfire anyway and it's not my place to do that........not my life. Most frustrating part, and this is probably going to sound maybe a bit strange..........Her husband is the major cause of her migraines which all but cripple her, which makes it extremely hard for her to look for work or do other things that need to be done. Which is slowly forward progress to a snails pace simply because every day almost she's writhing in bed from yet another migraine. Until he is out of the picture 24/7 I don't see the migraines improving..........which hoovers. That all by itself is a vicious cycle that seems never ending.:frowny: [/QUOTE]
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Some Thoughts Gained from Insights Wk 3 update
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