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Something cooking with difficult child....
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 117654" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>difficult child just called.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad you all are here. :smile:</p><p></p><p>I felt better after having posted ~ like I always do. It helps me work out of that shocked place, I think.</p><p></p><p>Which was fortunate.</p><p></p><p>Coookie, thank you. You are so gentle and sweet, and I am so happy you are back with us.</p><p></p><p>Nomatic, I don't know how to look at anything right now. I do know that difficult child's plan, whether he says so or not, is to move back home. </p><p></p><p>And live there.</p><p></p><p>And I know that, whatever his intentions are, drug use will probably become an issue if he does.</p><p></p><p>We have done this so many times.</p><p></p><p>I simply wasn't prepared for the "I am coming to live in your house" part when I was emotionally vulnerable because of the dogs.</p><p></p><p>I need to be tougher, and I need to take extra effort to be gentle with both myself and husband while I do it.</p><p></p><p>In any event, I just got off the phone with difficult child (who is now talking to husband).</p><p></p><p>Somehow, the conversation included information on a high school friend whose parents just mortgaged their lake home so this person could purchase two pizza franchises. (Keep in mind that all of difficult child's good friends are no longer in the picture ~ so this was a bad friend, a druggie friend).</p><p></p><p>The conversation devolved from that point into a variety of comments about expectation, and about what lengths other parents will go to to help their children.</p><p></p><p>But I did well.</p><p></p><p>I didn't know this was coming, didn't know what to say, so I was just honest.</p><p></p><p>I used the D word. (Drugs) And the A word. (Addiction.)</p><p></p><p>While difficult child was defending himself from what he believes are unfair accusations, I asked him to consider what it was like for his father and muself not to be ABLE to help him.</p><p></p><p>I went so far as to ask what would have happened had we mortgaged anything for his sake during the past fifteen years.</p><p></p><p>I asked whether he thought these parents were going to lose their home, or whether the son in question had been responsible, oome up with a plan, had his own portion of the investment already squirreled away, and simply needed a little more than the normal assistance any parent who could do so would give ~ for a dream that was a little larger than life too, but workable.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps.</p><p></p><p>The conversation cooled somewhat.</p><p></p><p>The blaming, the self-righteousness, stopped. </p><p></p><p>So I think I did okay. (I did read through the archives before posting, this morning.)</p><p></p><p>Thank goodness.</p><p></p><p>Simple Abundance.</p><p></p><p>I do have much to be thankful for.</p><p></p><p>I can do this.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p><p></p><p>P.S. Nomatic? You are so sweet and gentle, too. I just realized I had leapt into answering your question and then, leapt directly into my own business this morning.</p><p></p><p>Never think I don't appreciate your responses.</p><p></p><p>I do, very much.</p><p></p><p> :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 117654, member: 4391"] difficult child just called. I am so glad you all are here. [img]:smile:[/img] I felt better after having posted ~ like I always do. It helps me work out of that shocked place, I think. Which was fortunate. Coookie, thank you. You are so gentle and sweet, and I am so happy you are back with us. Nomatic, I don't know how to look at anything right now. I do know that difficult child's plan, whether he says so or not, is to move back home. And live there. And I know that, whatever his intentions are, drug use will probably become an issue if he does. We have done this so many times. I simply wasn't prepared for the "I am coming to live in your house" part when I was emotionally vulnerable because of the dogs. I need to be tougher, and I need to take extra effort to be gentle with both myself and husband while I do it. In any event, I just got off the phone with difficult child (who is now talking to husband). Somehow, the conversation included information on a high school friend whose parents just mortgaged their lake home so this person could purchase two pizza franchises. (Keep in mind that all of difficult child's good friends are no longer in the picture ~ so this was a bad friend, a druggie friend). The conversation devolved from that point into a variety of comments about expectation, and about what lengths other parents will go to to help their children. But I did well. I didn't know this was coming, didn't know what to say, so I was just honest. I used the D word. (Drugs) And the A word. (Addiction.) While difficult child was defending himself from what he believes are unfair accusations, I asked him to consider what it was like for his father and muself not to be ABLE to help him. I went so far as to ask what would have happened had we mortgaged anything for his sake during the past fifteen years. I asked whether he thought these parents were going to lose their home, or whether the son in question had been responsible, oome up with a plan, had his own portion of the investment already squirreled away, and simply needed a little more than the normal assistance any parent who could do so would give ~ for a dream that was a little larger than life too, but workable. Perhaps. The conversation cooled somewhat. The blaming, the self-righteousness, stopped. So I think I did okay. (I did read through the archives before posting, this morning.) Thank goodness. Simple Abundance. I do have much to be thankful for. I can do this. Barbara P.S. Nomatic? You are so sweet and gentle, too. I just realized I had leapt into answering your question and then, leapt directly into my own business this morning. Never think I don't appreciate your responses. I do, very much. [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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