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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 618549" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I agree with Recovering that we might be able to learn to let go more easily, that the impact isn't so hard.</p><p></p><p>I was walking home last night and saw my difficult child begging in front of McDonalds' again (I have not spoken to him since he got out of jail on New Year's EVe and promptly abandoned all the promises he had made me once I paid his $1800 in restitution. IN fairness he has tried to call me frequently...I just can't take his calls right now. My SO told him I wasn't in a place to talk to him now, so he stopped calling about 5 days ago)</p><p></p><p>I crossed the street to approach him...he jumped up and ran inside (this dance has happened before). This time I followed him inside. I said "difficult child, I hope you make sure that the people who give you their money, the people who give you their hard earned money, who pay the taxes that provides your SSI, understand that you are a petty crook and that you already get $700 from THEM, from the governemnt, in SSI and foodstamps". I didn't yell it, I just said it. I've been wanting to say it for a while. I looked at me in a combination of anger, accusation, and shame, and walked out of McDonalds. I followed, and walked home.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, my heart was pounding. IN the past sometimes I have had what is called (even in medicine) "broken heart syndrome", where the adrenaline cause heart malfunction and I feel like I"m dying, gasping for air, even falling to the floor. When my heart started pounding I felt like I was going there...but it slowed down. I walked home. By the time I got home I forgot to mention to my SO that I had seen difficult child until I'd been home for 30 minutes or so. SO was politely interested, but I told him the story and then we moved on to other events of the day. Neither of us could rally oup the intensity, the anguish, that such an encounter would have caused 6 months ago, a year ago. </p><p></p><p>I even poked the skunk of trying to rally some feeling again this morning...I had breakfast with my high school boys (I make them eggs on exam mornings...my mom called it brain food...and they are having midterms). I told them I had seen difficult child. They looked a little anxious, I told them the story, and we moved on to talk about wrestling, exams, and which of them would have been considered more handsome in the 1950's.</p><p></p><p>I felt an impact but it didn't linger. I hope I can stay in that place. I also felt OK but having an unsolicited conversation with difficult child...those are things I have been wanting to say, and now I have said them. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I avoid the walk past McDonalds, sometimes I deliberatly choose it. I think I will get to the point where I do or don't walk that way, that it isn't all about difficult child.</p><p></p><p>I learn a lot from your posts, Cedar, and I feel a lot articulated or reflected in myself, which is a major way of learning for me.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, and you too, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 618549, member: 17269"] I agree with Recovering that we might be able to learn to let go more easily, that the impact isn't so hard. I was walking home last night and saw my difficult child begging in front of McDonalds' again (I have not spoken to him since he got out of jail on New Year's EVe and promptly abandoned all the promises he had made me once I paid his $1800 in restitution. IN fairness he has tried to call me frequently...I just can't take his calls right now. My SO told him I wasn't in a place to talk to him now, so he stopped calling about 5 days ago) I crossed the street to approach him...he jumped up and ran inside (this dance has happened before). This time I followed him inside. I said "difficult child, I hope you make sure that the people who give you their money, the people who give you their hard earned money, who pay the taxes that provides your SSI, understand that you are a petty crook and that you already get $700 from THEM, from the governemnt, in SSI and foodstamps". I didn't yell it, I just said it. I've been wanting to say it for a while. I looked at me in a combination of anger, accusation, and shame, and walked out of McDonalds. I followed, and walked home. Cedar, my heart was pounding. IN the past sometimes I have had what is called (even in medicine) "broken heart syndrome", where the adrenaline cause heart malfunction and I feel like I"m dying, gasping for air, even falling to the floor. When my heart started pounding I felt like I was going there...but it slowed down. I walked home. By the time I got home I forgot to mention to my SO that I had seen difficult child until I'd been home for 30 minutes or so. SO was politely interested, but I told him the story and then we moved on to other events of the day. Neither of us could rally oup the intensity, the anguish, that such an encounter would have caused 6 months ago, a year ago. I even poked the skunk of trying to rally some feeling again this morning...I had breakfast with my high school boys (I make them eggs on exam mornings...my mom called it brain food...and they are having midterms). I told them I had seen difficult child. They looked a little anxious, I told them the story, and we moved on to talk about wrestling, exams, and which of them would have been considered more handsome in the 1950's. I felt an impact but it didn't linger. I hope I can stay in that place. I also felt OK but having an unsolicited conversation with difficult child...those are things I have been wanting to say, and now I have said them. Sometimes I avoid the walk past McDonalds, sometimes I deliberatly choose it. I think I will get to the point where I do or don't walk that way, that it isn't all about difficult child. I learn a lot from your posts, Cedar, and I feel a lot articulated or reflected in myself, which is a major way of learning for me. Thank you, and you too, Recovering. Echo [/QUOTE]
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